Fallen Angels (UNEDITED)

XXXIII

And scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
~ Goo Goo Dolls, Name

I sit on the bench, digging my fingernails into my skin, grasping for my sanity.

"Are you okay?" I look up to see a woman who can't be much older than me with a cup in one hand and a leash in the other that leads down to a brown pug sniffing my leg.

I stare at her face, bare of any makeup, and her hair in a messy bun with red strands blowing in the slight breeze.

"No," I answer her truthfully as I wipe my mascara from under my eyes.

Why did I ever think this was a good idea?

My life seems to be one bad mistake after another.

The woman takes a seat beside me and picks up the sweet looking pug, "I'm Isla and this is Simon."

"Avril." I smile at her. Does this normally happen in LA? Random nice girls walk up to you when the stress of your life becomes overbearing and start talking to you?

This kinda thing only happens in the bathroom of a bar when I'm drunk and usually, I'm the one going up to the drunk girls.

"Not to sound straightforward or anything, but why are you crying?" Isla scratches the top of Simon's head as she gazes at me with a slight head tilt.

"I recently just left my boyfriend of ten years and took on a new job that causes me to move around a lot, I guess I'm just feeling lost." I shrug my shoulders, trying to brush off my earlier breakdown.

"Maybe you need something constant in your life, I know when I left home I was homesick and kept thinking I had made a huge mistake, but one day I was roaming the streets lost in thought when I stumbled upon this rescue site and found Simon. The rest is history." Simon gives Isla a sloppy kiss, "whit's fur ye'll no go past ye."

I raise an eyebrow at the Scottish woman sitting beside me, causing her to laugh, "it means whatever is meant to happen to you, will happen to you. I know from personal experience that dropping everything to look for the adventure you crave can be scary, but it will be worth it."

"How did you know I was looking for adventure?"

"No one leaves their boyfriend of ten years and takes a job travelling if they aren't craving adventure. Please tell me I'm wrong."

Isla reminds me a lot of my grandmother, who would never sugarcoat anything and always believed that whatever happened, happened for a reason.

"No, you're right, I just feel like maybe my mother was right about the life I had before. God, I couldn't even run a mile today." I throw my head into my hands in embarrassment and frustration.

"Are you happy now?" I think about all the times I laughed and smiled in the months since I left Boston, none of those times did I doubt myself. I only doubted myself and my decision when I was looking in the mirror, comparing myself.

I may be free of my mother, but the scars she left on me are still very much there, all the times she called me out for wearing something or how I looked when she used to tell me that I couldn't eat certain foods.

"I thought I was, but I can't seem to shake someone from my past."

"Well fuck them, you seem great Avril and you deserve to be happy. Well, I better get going, I have to get ready for work."

"If you don't mind me sounding straightforward, could I get your phone number? I don't have a lot of real friends and I don't know, I just feel like you would be a good friend to have." I try to stop myself from rambling, but I'm nervous. Isla just seems to have this personality that draws you in.