Fallen Angels (UNEDITED)

XLIII

we inhale the very thing that kill us,
just so we can feel more alive
~ Chrissie Pinney

 "The tour is off."

Those words stop everyone in their tracks.

We all knew it was a possibility, but that's all we thought it was, a possibility.

Now, hearing those words, so many thoughts rush through my mind.

Most concerning is the fact that this would be the end for Erik and I, and the beginning of me finding out who I really am; something I have been looking forward to.

"So that's it? Just like that it's over? We didn't even get a say." My eyes drift to Kyle, who is sitting on the hotel desk of Erik's and Devon's shared room. His feet are perched on the chair in front of him and his body is relying on his forearms as he leans on his knees for support. His whole body mimicks his mood; tired and worn out.

Last night was the first time I ever heard him cry.

The night before we hadn't fully wrapped our minds around what happened, but last night was full of emotions.

Erik sat out on the patio of the room with the screen door opened, chain smoking like an old train; one just after the other.

I wonder how many years that took off his life?

"Calm down." Devon's tone isn't sarcastic or condescending, but rather full of sympathy and concern. He has been by Kyle's side for the last two days, making sure he wasn't left alone.

Regardless of Scarlett did, Kyle still loves her.

Love is a dangerous thing.

I look at Erik, knowing very well that he is capable of - shattering me as if I am glass.

And I will let him without even second guessing myself.

"We all knew that this would be the outcome," Erik turns his attention to Olivia, whose been quiet since her announcement, "I assume you are taking this over rather than Avril?"

"Someone from the label will be. We fly back to LA at noon, be ready to go in an hour." Olivia is quick to hurry out of the room and leave the five of us alone.

Silence fills the room once again, but like last night Kyle is the first to break the silence, "I'm going to take a shower."

Devon follows his younger brother out of the room, mumbling words that I can't hear but by the look on Kyle's face I know he doesn't want to hear them.

"What do we do now?" Lucas questions from the bed he slept in last night; out of the three of us, he was the only one that got any sleep.

Erik has been out smoking or on his phone while I have been on the other bed writing in my journal, turning my emotions into words.

It seems to bring me some ease; I only wish Erik would find a way.

"We get ready to go." Erik pushes himself off the wall and heads out onto the patio once again.

I move to follow him, but Lucas reaches forward and gently grabs my wrist, "don't. He needs to be left alone for now."

"But he's not expressing how he feels."

"That's Erik, he'll bottle all his emotions till one day he'll tell all. He's trying to cope with the fact that another member of his family may go down." Lucas lets out a sigh before continuing, "don't tell him this, but his aunt used to drink heavily, not to the point of being dependent, but she did indulge herself. She stopped when his mom was first arrested and she flew out to take care of him when he was four, he doesn't remember it."

So Erik's family has seems to have an addiction problem; him with his cigarettes and his mother, aunt, and cousin with their alcohol.

"I wish there was something I could do. I feel useless, I'm not trying to make this about me." I'm quick to add, that's the last thing I would ever want to do to them.

"Support him, but don't push him." I nod my head at Lucas like I understand, but with Erik, I never do.

Just yesterday he was kissing me ad holding me close, but then today he wants nothing to do with me.

"I'm going to go and get ready." I take a random pair of clothes and my makeup bag into the bathroom. At least I can try to look good, even if I feel like shit.

Dark circles line my eyes, and not even makeup will be able to hide the last few sleepless nights.

Maybe Erik is right, maybe us being apart in order to find who I am is necessary.

Every time I've looked into the mirror I've never known who the girl staring back at me was, even now as I wash my face.

All I see is a woman with green eyes and brown hair, with makeup smudged from the previous night's tears, reminding me of what we all lost; a friend to some while to another a sister.

"What's the point?" I throw the eyeliner in the sink as I screw up my smokey eye, something Scarlett was amazing at and would always do.

Staring at myself I see racoon eyes with tears building in them.

I sink to the floor and think about all the pain she must be going through, how horrible it must be for her.

How she may never be the same woman who opened her hotel room to me, experimented her makeup skills on me because she said I had the face with all the right angles.

"Hey are you okay?" Lucas opens the door and looks down at me on the floor, "I heard you crying and thought something must have happened."

Lucas sits down on the floor beside me and pulls me into his side, stroking my messy curls as he tells me to breathe.

"I hardly knew her and I'm crying. You aren't crying and you've known her since high school." I sniffle at the end and reach for the toilet paper to blow my nose.

"She has that effect on people, she's memorable." Lucas sighs, "you have every reason to be upset, regardless of how long you've known her. You've been a fan of the band since we debuted; in a way you knew the people we showed on stage."

"It's not the same."

"No, but I've never seen Erik trust someone so easily and the same of Scarlett. It took me months for her to even give me her phone number, let alone her say yes when I asked her on a date."

"You two went on a date?" I pull my head back and look at Lucas.

"We dated for four years, we were each others first, it wasn't till her second year college when her and Kyle had hit if off and by then I was questioning my sexuality. We had the best breakup one could have, even better than yours and Will's." I laugh as he bumps my shoulder with his.

"I don't know about that." I laugh, wiping tears from under my eyes.

"Look at you smiling, just a beautiful smile. Erik is one lucky man."

"Not for much longer." I look down as I fiddle with my fingers in my lap.

"Why?" Lucas looks puzzled by my words. I don't blame him, I still am.

"He wants me to discover myself before we start something."

"I think he is a very smart man for doing that, it's obvious you're lost no matter how much you deny it." Lucas brushes a strand of hair behind my ear before grabbing a makeup cloth from the counter for me, "don't you agree?"

"I do, but I'm worried that by doing that it will take me away from him. That I will realize that he isn't the guy for me."

"Then you handle it like adults, but remember that no matter where life takes you, you have a home with Fallen Angels."

Thank you to MeryHo for helping me with the blurb for Fallen Angels

Edited by GirlReader133