XPLR | Colby Brock

~84~

I'm sorry for the delay. Technical difficulties. Keep tuned in, I'll be a couple days behind in the next few chapters because I can't just skip for this arc of the story.

Colby's hands explored my body once more, just like the previous night. Though now, there wasn't any caution. He's been like this, weirdly touchy, for the past few days. It's weird of him. He was never this pushy... he never did much without my verbal consent. So him just pulling me to him and kissing me was out of the ordinary, but Colby is good looking and he loves me, so I don't protest to letting him touch me.

"Colby," I said softly. "Colby, I have class today," I chuckled as I pushed his hair back. He sighed and pulled away, but he was smiling. "Okay..." He said and grinned as he kissed my cheek. He stood up and stretched.

It's no secret that I'm a virgin. Or at least it's not been specifically said otherwise, and I'm sure my mannerisms and awkwardness could be used as context clues as to the fact I've never had "action".

I'm just a loser, which I knew.

I changed clothes with my back to him, after making sure, he had his back to me. When I glanced over my shoulder, he still wasn't looking. I love that he respects me enough to not even peek.

Because I grew up with a father who would, and the last time I was with a boy who wasn't Colby, he tried to feel for himself.

I need to tell Colby about my dad. We've been dating for almost six months, six months since that amazing night with him and the California Symphony, it's time he knows why I didn't want to bring him home for Thanksgiving.

"Ready yet?" He asked, putting his hands in his pockets and looking around his side of the room. I wrapped my arms around his neck from behind, took a deep breath, and said, "I need to talk to you on the ride."

He turned around and gave me a puzzled and someone what concerned look. "Talk about what?" He asked, and as always, he read my mind. "Your dad? Or do you not love me anymore?" He asked. I shook my head and chuckled as he wrapped his arms around my waist. "My dad," I said. A serious calm came over Colby's face. "Oh, okay..." he said. I leaned up and kissed his cheek before grabbing my bag.

I'm still mad at Elena. I only say that because, looking around Colby's room, you can definitely see that there's been more than one person living here. The sheets are pulled all the way back, there's two empty soda cans sitting on the desk instead of one, but the room has a sense of tidiness it didn't have the first time I came here. Because when I started coming over more, Colby's room started to get cleaner and cleaner. Because he was always trying to impress me when we first got together.

I shouldn't be mad at Elena. I know that. She was drunk. But the thing was, is that voicemail is what she thought. And if I hadn't found out about it it would've been a matter of time before she tried to take a bite of him. No stress, his love for me is never in doubt. He promises a place on the beach, and we'll figure it out.

Colby took my hand as we walked down stairs. "You don't have to tell me all of this on such... an informal occasion," he said as we went out to his car. "I need to tell you sometime. There's not as much to it as you think there is," I said, which is true. I was an accident, barely passed getting aborted, my father was an alcoholic, my mother was an angel, and I was their early child that ruined their lives, my mother committed suicide and my dad hit me. What else is there to the story?

Survival. Optimism. Perseverance.

But I don't need to brag like this is so autobiography.

But as I told Colby everything, all of it, including my first boyfriend Alexander, my bullies, what friends I did have, my father's stab at recovery, Mom's suicide, and the survival, optimism, and perseverance. I hadn't stood back and reflect on my life, like that, ever.

It made my chest hurt. My heart. It reminded me of all the empty spots.

Colby reached over and placed his hand on my thigh. "That'll never happen to you again," he said and looked over at me. He leaned in and kissed me for a few seconds before a honk reminded us we were at a red light, now green.

Colby filled something in me. He filled the void that my father created. He made it better.

And if he's ever gone, it'll be hard to find something to replace the gaping hole Colby would leave in me.