XPLR | Colby Brock

~101~

Long chapter.

"Do you have to go in there? I mean, I can come with you. He won't talk to you or try and touch you if I'm with you," Logan said as he pulled up outside of Colby's house. "He's gonna try and touch or talk to me no matter what, Logan. Plus, I'm not going to bring another man into his house. Not with his new ex-girlfriend. Especially not since he was so jealous of you," I said. I pulled my coat on more, even though its relatively hot. I can't be too careful.

"Well, you'll be okay, won't you?" he asked. "I'll be fine," I said as I started to open the door. Logan pulled his normal trick, and he locked the door before I could open it. "What do you have to go in there for?" he asked. "I really don't want you to. Rose, that's going to be so painful for you. I don't like him, and you know that, but God, I can't take you crying anymore. Not because it's annoying or anything, but because it breaks my heart, Rose."

I just gave him a pitiful look and I sighed. "He has some of my mother's clothes there," I said, "A lot of my things I can't go without. Pieces of her. My only picture."

Logan sighed and unlocked the door. "Alright, fine. Be careful," he said as he turned and looked back at the mansion. I watched him for a moment longer before opening the door and stepping out of the car, shutting the door behind me. I trotted across the driveway and stepped onto the porch of the house.

I was about to knock, but then I stopped myself. I'll just let myself in. No one will say anything, it's better someone see me walk by than greet me at the door. Neither decisions are that good, but I'll take the first option.

I opened it quietly, and I just stepped inside. No one. They all must be in their rooms.

I've never seen it this quiet.

I looked around for a moment as I closed the door behind me. Could last night have stirred everything up? Are they still asleep?

I walked up the stairs slowly toward Colby's room. I looked towards his and Sam's corridor and I stared for a moment.

I can still feel his hand sitting in between my fingers. Hear his whispered I love yous in my ear. It brought tears to my eyes. I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes, and as I breathed out I started walking towards his room.

Do I knock or do I just go in?

"I don't know!" I heard Colby's voice say. It stopped me in my tracks, with my hand on the door knob. "I don't know what to do, she broke up with me! I've been trying to call her but she won't answer!" he yelled. I can tell by the crack in his voice that he's crying.

He's crying. God, he's crying. I can't do this. I can't see him.

I want her dress. I want her white dress back. I can't leave it here.

My mother's dress. The one I played the Rachmaninov solo in. I need it. I don't know what will happen to it if I leave it here. I need it.

So I just lifted my hand to the wood of the door, and with as much confidence as I can manage to muster, I knocked on the door. I took a step back and looked to the door, waiting for a moment for him to answer. It all went silent for minute.

Then I felt anger from behind the door, bubbling up over the edge. "Corey, again, I don't want any In-and-" Colby said, just as he opened the door. His eyes landed on me, and he stopped in his tracks. I met his eyes.

They're puffy and red. His green eyes were dull and painful. Nothing like I remember. "Rose," he said, and his chest started to rise and fall a bit faster. Behind him, Sam and Katrina stood up. Thank God Elena isn't here. If she was, I don't know what I'd do. Homewrecking whore.

"I just.. I uh.. I came to get some stuff," I say, moving to make a quick move to go around him. He let me through and shut the door behind me. I walked to the closet and I opened it, immediately going to exactly where I left my dress the night of my Rachmaninov concert. That was when I started practically living with Colby.

"Rose, please talk to me," he said, standing behind me. "We already talked," I grumbled, as I walked towards his desk to take my makeup out of my drawer. "No, Rose, let's really talk. Look, Rose, I was drunk and stupid and I didn't know what was going on. She seduced me, she knew what she was doing-"

"Colby. Stop. I don't want to talk about her. God, you don't know when to stop, do you? First you had a secret relationship with her, then you let her send you nudes, and then you sleep with her? God, Colby Brock does just do everything big," I said as I placed my makeup in my bag.

I looked back at Colby without a second thought, and I didn't mean to glare at him. Not the way I wanted things to end. I didn't want this to be the last time I saw Colby. Our last memory together.

I could see his heart splitting in two.

Forgive him. Tell him you forgive him, at least, Rose.

I don't forgive him. Not now.

He wouldn't care anyway. No one cares about you, Rose.

We had forgotten about Sam and Kat. They both just sat in the corner quietly, not saying anything. Just watching.

He started to cry again. "Rose, please. Please give me a second chance," he said as he reached down and grabbed my hand. My mind was screaming for me to pull away, scream, and cuss him out, but I couldn't let go.

My heart wouldn't let me.

"No," I said when I finally came to. "There's no more second chances. No more. I kept forgiving. I kept loving you no matter how much you hurt me."

"Because it did hurt me. It hurt me knowing I was second to her, Colby! Knowing I was second choice-"

"You were never second choice, Rose! I loved you from the moment I saw you!" He said, making me drop my things onto the floor as he pulled me into a hug. I didn't hug back, but I wanted to. Now I couldn't stop the tears, no matter how mad I was at him. It's making my heart hurt too. "I love you, Rose. I love you more than anything. Rose, if its not you it's no one. No one can compare to you, Rose."

His arms tightened around me, and I just closed my eyes as he cried into my shoulder. "I love you. I love you." He pulled away, his hands running down my arms to take my hands. I flinched when his hand crossed the fresh wounds. He saw that, and he stopped. Looking down at my hands, then slowly back at my eyes. He knew. Colby always knows.

I tried to pull my hands away, but he didn't let me. He pushed my sleeve up to reveal the scars. "Rose," he said as I ripped my hand away from his and pulled my sleeve back down. "Rose, what is that?" he asked. I took my picture from his desk and my dress, and I started to walk past him. "Rose, what did you do to yourself?" he asked, following me out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

"Nothing!" I yelled, starting to cry again. Unstoppable tears. "What are you gonna do, huh? Let me take care of you, you can move in. We'll never see her again. It'll be me and you, Rose, forever-" he started, but I interrupted him by turning around in front of the front door. "I'm going to New York. I'm studying at Juilliard, Colby."

I turned and opened the front door, shutting the door behind me. "Maybe you'll never see me again too," I whispered to myself as I headed towards Logan's car, a chariot to a new world. A new life. A new man.

Maybe you'll never see me again, too.

I don't want that.

The most painful dichotomy I've ever faced.