XPLR | Colby Brock

~125~

I blew on my hands as I walked into my apartment, Logan in tow. He kicked off his snowy shoes and took off his jacket, and I followed his lead, with my back to him, and I went towards the sorry excuse for a kitchen to wash my hands under warm water.

I was drying my hands, and I was startled to see Logan was standing next to me. I hadn't heard him, and I stopped. He looked down at me and snickered. "What, Rose? Expecting something?" He asked with a wink. He doesn't miss anything, does he?

Neither do I. I saw him bite his lip as I moved out of the way so he could wash his hands as well. "Are you staying here until dark again?" I asked. Logan always has this characteristic to him, it's confident and cocky and attractive.

"Well, I could stay even longer," he said, smirking as he sat down in my vanity/desk chair. He leaned back, spreading his leg and letting one arm hang over the back of the chair. He closed my eyes. "Peace and quiet is nice, huh?" He asked. Changing the subject before I could get the chance to tell off his snarky comment.

I sat down on my bed, and I took my phone out of my bag and turned it on. While we were at Logan's family's house, which was actually Nico's family home, I turned off my phone in order to keep engaged with everyone else. I like to think I'm not addicted, but the second my phone beeps, I have to check it. Will a respond? Who knows, but I nevertheless want to know who wants my attention.

It turned on, and my notifications started to come in. A few texts from old people in Los Angeles, Kendall and some from Dad's old group. Kai even texted me. It wasn't until I got to the end of the timeline that I froze. Elena's (now unknown) number was the first to text me, around noon.

Hey! Merry Christmas. I know you hate me, but I don't hate you. I love you. I hope New York is wonderful.

I do hate her. I hate her because she hasn't even apologized to pushing me out of Los Angeles, to being my boyfriend's side chick he ruined our relationship with.

But for even just a moment my heart lurched with a familiar sense of longing I've faced so many times in life. The same longing I felt for my mother when she died, my father when I found out he died, and the same longing I feel for Colby when I'm laying alone in bed at night. But I haven't felt that for Elena. I despise her.

Or so I thought.

Another thing, which caught me by surprise, was that there was no text from Colby. I got one from everyone, even Sam, I was probably subject to a copy paste or "send separately". But not one from Colby? He must've forgotten.

Or maybe he's getting over you.

Whether that was the malicious or kind voice, I don't know, because it could be either or. I've been begging myself to get over Colby, but-

I don't want to think about this right now.

But I don't want him to get over me.

Stop it. Stop it now.

Because then-

STOP!

Because then it's truly over.

I tossed my phone to the side and rubbed my face. In the hear of realization, I forgot Logan was there. If I had remembered, I wouldn't have let all my emotions show on my face.

"Hey, Rosie!" He said, standing up. He sounded a little panicked. Very few times, if ever, have I cried in front of Logan. I know Logan knows I cry when he leaves, a mix of heartbreak and homesickness and abandonment, but I was always careful not to involve him in it.

Within a few seconds, he was on my bed, moving towards me. "Hey, Rose..." he said. He watched me for a moment. He obviously has no idea how to comfort a woman- he probably doesn't know how to comfort anyone for that matter. Logan is definitely a lone wolf kind of character.

He touched my shoulder, and the second his fingers brushed my uncovered skin, a surge of tingles ran down my spine and spread out all over my body in a matter of mere seconds. "You shouldn't cry. It's Christmas," he argued softly, quietly. He hesitantly moved closer to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I never let him in my bed the same time I'm in it. He doesn't want me to get onto him, but I won't. I want his attention. I want his comfort.

I want anyone's comfort.

No, that's not that true. I want comfort from the one person I know in this huge city, the one person I'm allowed (and I'm allowing myself) to take comfort in. So I leaned into his arm and wrapped my arms around his torso, underneath his arms.

He didn't ask. I don't think he had to. Even if he doesn't know details, and even if I'm crying for something stupid, it's more than that. His hand rubbed down my back and up again.

I'm not crying about Colby not texting me. I'm crying because I think I realized for the first time that things are really over. It's over.

I'm thousands of miles away.

Logan didn't talk about my breakdown, even after I had stopped. He was getting ready to leave, putting on his coat by the door. The only thing that he said that even alluded to my cry fest was his quick and quiet, "Will you be okay? I can stay, you know. I won't make any jokes, I promise," he said. I shook my head, gave him one more hug, albeit this one wasn't more of a goodbye hug, it was a thank you hug.

"Go home and see your dog," I said, and I smiled a weak smile.

I was getting into bed when my phone buzzed and buzzed. I lifted it up, and saw the name appear in my phone. Colby.

He was going to call me to tell me marry Christmas.

I laid down and stared at the ceiling as I let the phone keep buzzing through. I won't answer.

Yes, it hurts that we're moving on, both him and I. But if I want to be happy again, I have to let it happen.

1 new voicemail.

".... Hey, Rose. I was just calling to tell you Merry Christmas. I hope things are good in New York, and that you don't freeze..."