XPLR | Colby Brock

~146~

I had had a long day of school and Miss Saigon, though I was lucky, the show started at 5pm and ended at 8, which means I was home by 9, whereas I would usually be home around 11. I pulled my coat higher on me as I passed a particularly scary homeless man. I'm a girl, I've got every right to be freaked out on the street.

I was a few doors from my apartment building, when I saw a familiar face heading towards my building. It might be dark, but I know Logan's silhouette all too well. I didn't tell Logan that the show started and ended early tonight, so he shouldn't even know I'm home. And anyway, I'm supposed to be staying at his house. So if he was trying to surprise me, why is he going to my apartment and not the Miss Saigon venue?

Wait. There is someone home. Colby's at my apartment.

I trotted up stairs towards my apartment door, but I stopped when I heard voices inside. "What are you doing here anyway?" Colby asked. "I came here to grab something for Rose," Logan said. "You have a key?" Colby asked, I could hear their voices getting louder and softer as they walked. I never asked Logan to get anything for me.

"Of course I do. I'm her boyfriend. Did you have a key to her apartment back when you two were dating in California?"

"No-"

"I didn't think so," he said. Why was Logan so rude to Colby?

"Cut the shit, Logan, why are you really here?"

"To talk to you," Logan said nonchalantly. I sat down against the door, I'm going to be here for a while. I know eavesdropping might be wrong, but my boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are talking without me there. That's a recipe for trouble. I have to listen, that way they can say what they want, and I can butt in when I want.

"Okay. I'm listening. About what?"

"Rose-"

"Oh god," Colby groaned. I could hear shuffling inside. Where's Mama? Is she okay?

"No, I'm serious. You and I need to set a few things straight," he said. Colby sighed. "Okay. Get one with it. Before you start about me needing to get my own place, I have a flight tomorrow afternoon to go home," he said, "I just wanted to see Rose."

"I get that you wanted to see Rose, but I'm not stupid, Colby. I don't want you to see her anymore," Logan said. "That's not your choice," Colby retorted. "It's not fair," Logan said. There was a pause. "What?"

"It's not fair that you just get to waltz back in here, and take her from me."

"I'm not taking her from you," Colby argued. "Yeah you are," Logan said, and he sounded like a child. "Give me an example, then," he said. Colby and I rarely fought, and when we did, it was over things like this. Boys. Logan. I can't remember the last time we fought that wasn't over Elena and what he did.

But suddenly, him cheating on me didn't feel like such a big deal. Maybe I was finally over it.

Because now I could feel a burning urge inside of me, one that wished I had never ever left Colby and LA, because I love him. I love him.

"Every time I slept with her, she was always thinking of someone else," he said, "I'm not stupid, I know she has missed you the entire time we've been dating."

"You've slept with her?" Colby asked. His voice was quiet, and he sounded hurt. "Of course," he answered, "of course we have. I don't think she even really meant it the first time, she was drunk after..." he paused, "you know what, it doesn't matter. Colby, things were going fine. It was all getting better, and I was really happy with her. I was on a date with her when you called! You had to come and ruin it!"

"I didn't mean to ruin things," Colby said. "Well you did. And... And you see, she's thinking of you now. Every time I'm with her, it's just like how it all was when she got here in January. I'm right back at square one, and I thought I finally had her."

"Lo-"

"You came here, and you're messing things up for her and I. I love her. I really, really love her. But you... you had your chance. And you ruined it. Just like you ruined her. Have you seen the scars on her where she-"

"Don't. Don't say it."

"Where she cut herself."

"Shut up!"

"You have to face it!"

"Shut up, Logan, shut up!" he yelled. I put a hand over my mouth, making sure I wouldn't make any noise. I guess Alan isn't home yet, because if he was, he would be out here eavesdropping next to me.

"If she goes back to you, she'll do it again, and I can't let that happen!" Logan yelled back. "I won't let it happen again! If she comes back to me, I won't ever hurt her like that ever again. Okay? I hate myself for what I did to her. My career fell apart, I did stuff I wasn't proud of, but if she gave me the opportunity..."

"You'd what?"

"I'd never let her go again," Colby finished.

I could feel the tension on this side of the door, and there was no stopping the tears that were coming. "So I won't talk to her. I won't even say goodbye. But you've got to know something too, Logan. She will never ever love you as much as she loves me. And I love her too."

There was a long pause. I can't stay here. I have to go. I stood up and covered my mouth as I walked towards the staircase.

I might hurl. There's something under my skin that's crawling and driving me insane. I want to curl up in a ball and wither away.

I want to tell my mom what's going on. I want her to lay under a blanket we share and run her hands through my hair. God, what I would do to feel her skin against my again... if I think hard, I can remember the way she smells. Or the way her laugh would echo in my heart.

Even though two boys love me, I have two amazing friends, and my dream job and my dream school, I've never felt more alone. I was halfway down the stairs when I heard a voice behind me. It was Logan's.

"Rose?" he asked. I stopped at the middle of the staircase. I wiped my eye with my sleeve. "Yeah... Yeah, I'm here," I said, though my voice was cracking with tears.

"Did you hear all of that?" he asked.

"Y-Yeah."

He sighed, brushing his hair back. "I was just going home," I said, to break the silence. "So was I. But I don't think you should come home with me," he said. I turned towards him now, looking up at him from my step on the staircase. "What?"

"He... He was right, Rose. You're never going to love me as much as you love him," he said. He started walking down the stairs, and when he met me one step below me, he looked up at me and kissed my cheek. "Bye, Rose. You, Alan, and Julie were so much fun. I hope I see you guys again, soon," he said. His smile was genuine. "I think Colby needs some company. Go on," he said. Then he turned around, walked down the rest of the stairs, and left.

I couldn't breathe.

Go on, Rose. Everything you've ever wanted is right there in your apartment.My mother's voice coaxed me in my head.

And so I listened, and I walked upstairs and opened my apartment door. Colby stood up, staring at me.

I paused as I shut the door behind me, and Mama rubbed against my legs. "I love you too," I said.