XPLR | Colby Brock

(100) memories.

Logan sat on the floor of my room in me and Elena's apartment. I hadn't been here in so long, I can't even remember the last time I was here.

Perfect timing, Ms. Romano. I respect you for taking your time to make a decision. We'll have your classes set to begin in two weeks, to give you time to settle in. It's a big move, and we wish you the best of luck! Was the synopsis of what Gerald Brown's response email to me accepting his offer to Juilliard.

He taped up a box and said, "I can call into work. Tell them I'll need two more weeks, I can stay with you until you're ready to leave. We can fly to New York together," he said. He gave a pitiful look. My face still felt dry and caked with tears, I've been crying almost non stop for the past two hours. And I'm thankful to Logan for staying with me and helping me start packing, that way we can mail all my things to an apartment.

"I live in Washington Heights. It'll probably be a thirty minute train ride from the Heights to Lincoln Plaza," he said. Thank God I have Logan. Have someone who knows how to live in New York, and wants to help me.

"You should go ahead and go home," I told him. Logan opened his mouth to say something, when my phone rang. It was sitting next to him, and I nodded for him to lift it up and see who it is. He showed it to me. It's Colby.

Holy shit, it's Colby. It's Colby. What do I say, what do I do? What will he say, what will he do?

"Do you want me to answer?" Logan asked as he stood up, coming to sit beside me. I shook my head and took it from him, answering the call on the last ring.

My phone has been off all night, I don't know how long he's been trying to call me. If he's been trying to call me. "Rose! Rose, thank god. Rose, I'm so sorry. Let me come over, and we'll talk all of this out. Where are you, did you make it home okay? Who took you-" he suddenly stopped. So did I, I realized I was crying. Into the phone. Not ugly crying, just sad. Sad sad crying.

"Rose... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I can explain every-" I interrupted him. "It won't save anything, and you know it, Colby. So stop trying to apologize," I growled. My nervous tick, to spin my promise ring around my finger, was still very much there. I try to touch it, and it's not there, and that makes me more nervous. Which makes me cry more.

Colby was silent, just listening to me cry. "We always tried to talk stuff out. We always did, but that didn't make me feel better. You always wanted to talk but you never wanted to change. And I'm tired of it. This is over, Colby," I told him, and while I tried to be strong, the words were followed by a choke.

I'm heartbroken.

I'll admit it.

"Wait, Rose. No, just-" I didn't stay to hear what he wanted. I ended the call and tossed my phone onto the bed. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair before pushing a box towards Logan to tape. Logan just pushed it to the side and just sat next to me. "Want to talk about it?" He asked as he stretched his arm and wrapped it around my shoulders.

"No," I answer. My wrists, thighs, and hips still throb from last night's mistake, but I had done a good job hiding it. Colby doesn't need to know it happened. Logan especially doesn't.

The thought of Colby made me long for him more than I already did. Like when you're procrastinating on an assignment, and you're starting to forget, but then someone says something that makes you remember how much you dread it.

Should I see Colby again, before I leave, what would I even say?

Should I say anything at all?

My slap said everything I meant.

That could be the last time I touch Colby.

I know, but do you even want to touch him again?

Yes. I do. I miss him. I miss him so much, and I love him.

You love the memories of him.

Maybe I do. I don't want to leave like this.

If you go see him, you'll stay. And lose your chance at your dream.

I miss him.

I know you do, baby.

Logan's arm was still around me, and he didn't say anything. He just rubbed my shoulder, and he said, "If I had it my way, we would just slash his tires and beat him up now," he said, and he gave me a playful smile to try and make me feel better.

"No," I answered. "What are you going to do for two weeks? I gotta know since you won't let me stay with you," He said.

I thought for a moment, when the thought came to mind.

"I think I'm going to go home."

"Home?"

"Oregon."

It didn't work, not much.

Colby beat someone up for me once. Is this what life is?

Just phases?

Colby beat up a guy who broke my heart, and will Logan do the same?

Who comes next?

There's chemistry between Logan and I. I will admit.

It reminds me of when Colby and I met at the Silo. When he shook my hand. When our knees would touch.

Looking around my room now, I can still hear Colby's laugh every time we stopped to grab something. His sweet, kind words complimenting me and making me feel beautiful. Wanted and worth it.

Was she worth it? Was her pussy worth more than me, worth more than what we had?

I can still see his hands all over her.

And feel their burning imprints when they were all over me.