XPLR | Colby Brock

~118~

This is tomorrow's chapter. Some of you guys sounded like you wanted it now.

I stopped, ten feet away from him. He gestured towards the flowers. "Rose..." he said, stepping towards me. He seemed startled and surprised when I took a step back.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. He ignored my question and said, "You were amazing out there."

"What are you doing here, Colby?" I asked again, but this time slower.

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked, "I came to see you play. Rose. Please don't run away from me now."

All in a split second, a million options of what I could do came to my mind.

Possibility 1: I listen to what Colby has to say, and I inevitably forgive him and get back with him. I change my mind about Juilliard, and I stay in California with him.
Possibility 1a: I stay in California with Colby, and he and I have the fairy tale ending I always wanted, we get married, buy a house, start a family.
Possibility 1b: I go back to California with Colby, and he breaks my heart again. Only now, I'm hopelessly alone. There's no second option like Juilliard. I have to stay in California and live with the fact I gave up my dream for my first love who broke my heart not once, but twice.

Possibility 2: I get in my car and I leave. I don't listen to him. I don't listen to his voicemails or return his calls, not now, not ever. I block his phone number. I'll get over him if I pretend he doesn't exist.
Possibility 2a: I go on with my life, and I'm happy. I live a life in New York, with whomever I love, and I grow old with talented children and a dog and a cat.
Possibility 2b: Who are you kidding, Rose? You would never be easy to forget Colby as easy as that.

Possibility 3: You hear what he has to say. And you make the decision that will make you happy.

At this point, I don't have any valid option besides Possibility 3. Unfortunately, it doesn't really help me decide.

"You should've come to see me play instead of going to that party," I said, walking around him to go to my car. He must've thought I was going to try and leave, because he quickly came around to my side of my car and he held the door closed with his palm. "I know, Rose. I know. I'm sorry."

What do I want out of this? What is the ideal outcome of this confrontation. I could be asking him the same questions, What do you want out of this? What is the ideal outcome of this confrontation.

Why did you come here?

Why would you do this to us?

I couldn't even meet his eyes. He put the bouquet on top of my car. "Rose, you have to listen to me," he said.

"I'm listening," I said quickly, right after he finished his sentence. He looked down at me, and he took a deep breath. "I love you. I need-"

"Colby.."

"No, let me get this out! I've been practicing it the whole ride up here," he said. His hands finally landed on my shoulders. "I love you, Rose. And I fucked up, I fucked up. I know I sound like a broken record now."

I still looked down. "Would you look at me, goddammit?" he asked, rather forcefully as he squeezed my shoulders tighter. His grip immediately loosened and let go as I started to cry. "This is way out of line, Colby," I said, putting my left and on my right shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I know."

"Rose, if you give me another chance, I can make it better. I can."

"You know, three months ago, I wouldn't have doubted that whatsoever. But I gave you one to many chances. What I need now, Colby, is for you to be honest. Tell me everything you did with her. Before and after we dated. I deserve that explanation, don't I?" I hissed at him as I took a step back.

He leaned back against my car and ran a hand through his hair. "How did you live out here for so long, it's so cold."

"Don't. Don't avoid the question."

He sighed. "I wanted Elena before we started dating because she was easy. She filled the lonely hole in my heart, but that was until I met you. You fixed everything inside me. You quieted voices, you gave me something to work towards... you gave me, everything, Rose. And of course, she was still eating at me. And I ignored her, I really tried to ignore her for weeks, months, the whole time we were dating. When she ended up in the hospital, I finally got the courage to tell her to lay off, at all, because I wanted you, and only you. But that only made her come back full force. And you know about the nudes and calls and all that, but seriously, Rose, I've only ever wanted you."

I crossed my arms, and there was silence between us for a moment. "What about that night?"

He paused. Then he said, "I was going to skip the party. I was going to go see your concert, take you to dinner, get us a hotel for the night so it could be quiet for us. It started out with a few drinks, before the party even picked up steam. I was drunk off my wits, and I don't even know why she was there, but... she was. And she convinced me to get into bed with her. It was purely alcohol, Rose. No old feelings, nothing, just pure lust. Which is still bad, but-"

"Colby, I don't know why you came here, but I hope it wasn't to get me back."

He looked at me, dumbfounded, before he came back, angry. "Of course I came here to get you back. Rose, I love you! What can I do to make things better for us? For us to get back together?" he asked, growing in volume. I suddenly found myself unlocking my car, shoving him out of the way so I could get in the driver's seat. The door was almost shut before he grabbed the door and kept it from closing.

"Rose, there's no one else for me. No one. You're the most perfect woman in the world."

I sighed, looking down at my steering wheel.

"I love you, Colby. I always will. But you've got so much you have to work on. Maybe when you figure it all out, then maybe we can try again."

He opened the door and knelt down beside me. "I swear on it, Rose."

There's that silence again. "When do you leave for New York?" he asked. "Sunday."

Before I knew what was happening, Colby said, "Sorry about this." And he put his hands on my cheeks and pulled me closer.

And he kissed me.

And I let him.

Dear, God, why did I let him?