XPLR | Colby Brock

(September 1st, 19)~89~

I think I'm a good person. I think there's good in everyone, but sometimes it's easy to doubt that aspect of yourself.

In my defense, very rarely has any guy been interested in me, but (arguably) two? Call me crazy, but I don't think it would be so far fetched for Logan to like me. But I can't dwell on that, because I have Colby. I love Colby.

But... I forget I love Colby every time I'm not with him. Which is why I'm sitting in his car, and I say, "Take me out. Let's go do something fun tonight, I'll even pay."

Colby laughed, "I'm not going to let my girlfriend pay for all of the date," he said, "not because I don't think you can, but because it's polite."

"I don't need your chivalry," I said, but I felt a bit snappier than I ever am. Colby gave me a weird look, it wasn't annoyed or concerned, just... confused. That's not something I would usually snap about.

"Well. You still get my chivalry, you're my girlfriend, Rose, I love you. Now please, tell me what's wrong," Colby said, placing his hand on my thigh.

His gently hand made me feel much better. But at the same time, it made me want to cry and throw my arms around his neck.

But I didn't want to admit that I was thinking of another guy. I wanted all of that to go away.

I just want Colby. To grab me, hold me, and just make me forget.

Forget everything.

"Come on, babe. Talk to me," he said. "It's not a big deal. I just... things feel different between us now," I said. He gave me another concerned look. "What do you-"

"I don't know," I said quietly. Colby sighed, sitting back in his seat. He squeezed my thigh a little more and rested his wrist over the top of the steering wheel. "I feel it too," he said.

"What should we do about it?" I asked quietly. Timidly. I half expected him to say we needed to break up. After all, it makes the most sense...

"Figure it out," He said. "That's what we do. It's what we need to do. Because I love you, Rose, I do now and I always have. So let's talk it out. I'll go first. Sometimes when girls hit me up, or ask me for my number, I forget for a moment that I'm dating you. That's normal, you know? And it's okay. Is that what you're thinking of?" He asked.

Colby is such an amazing man. He always knows exactly what's going on inside my head. "Yeah..." I say quietly. "Who?" He asked. "That guy? From earlier?"

I just pressed my lips into a line and nodded. He sighed and sat back in his seat. "You're gonna hate me so much, but I have to tell you," He said. That made my anxiety shoot up. He rubbed my thigh gently and said, "I.." he paused, sighed and rubbed his eye. "Elena. She... she's been sending me nudes. I don't save them! I delete them. I don't want them, and I didn't tell you... because I don't... I don't know. You have so much on your plate as it is."

I didn't feel anything. I wasn't angry, I wasn't sad, or shocked or surprised. Just... disappointed. I'm just disappointed.

"Let's go home first," I told him simply.

"Aren't you gonna... say something-"

"No. I'm not. There's nothing to say. At least Logan isn't sending me nudes, huh?" I asked. I suddenly found myself angry. Very angry.

And no one to take it out on but Colby, even if I don't mean to.

"Rose, don't be like this," he said. "If you didn't want her nudes, you would block her," I accused. "I did!" he said. But as if god was watching, his phone rang. He stared at me for a moment and lifted it up to check it. I felt tears come to my eyes seeing the name on his phone. Elena. No emojis.

I didn't say anything, there was nothing I could say. I reached for the door handle, but Colby beat me to it and locked the door. "Let me out," I growled. "Rose, let me ex-"

"Let me out!" I yelled, there were no stopping the tears now. I looked over at Colby, and I saw him flinch once he realized I was crying. He's seen me cry, but it's never been because of him. I could see the panic in his eyes.

"Rose I'm sorry," he said. "Stop. Stop, I don't care!" I yelled.

"Apologies aren't going to change this, Colby, you can't make this better! You lied to me! Why? What were you going to do if I hadn't found out, what are you doing with her?" I yelled.

"Nothing! I'm doing absolutely nothing with her!" He said, turning to me as best he could in his car. "It's for YouTube! For videos!" He said, holding his hands out to me for emphasis.

"It's not just YouTube if she's sending you nudes! What was the point of lying to me?" I asked. "Because I knew you would react badly!" He said, not yelling but his tone raised.

"I wouldn't have been mad if you hadn't lied to me! I'm not mad that she sent nudes! That's not what I'm mad about! I'm mad that you lied to me. You lied to me but you love me, or was that a lie too?" I asked, letting my words come out harsh and cut him like a dagger.

That seemed to trigger something in Colby. He seemed angry now, and he reached out, grabbing my shoulders and holding me so I would look at him, and the sudden direct movement scared me, making my brain fire off in all different directions.

"Rose," He said calmly, looking down at me. "I do love you. I love you more than anything in the entire world, the guys and YouTube included they don't take precedence over you."

I didn't say anything, not meeting his eyes and still openly crying. He pulled me to him, hugging me. "Okay? I love you," He said, hugging me and petting my hair. "Let's find a bando to explore tonight, okay? You and I, together. No cameras. We met at a bando. Please, Rose. Please forgive me. Look, look." He said, pulling away a bit to show me his phone. He blocked her then deleted her contact.

"No more YouTube with her. Nothing with her, ever again," he said.

I pulled back, pushing my hair behind my ear as he put his hands against my face. "I forgive you," I said. Looking at Colby now, it seemed like he was on the verge of tears as well.

I love Colby. I love him more than anything. And god wouldn't have given him to me if he didn't want me to have something with him.

I can forgive him, but there is no way in hell I'll forget this.