XPLR | Colby Brock

~144~

The peacefulness of just getting to stare at Colby was soon interrupted when he suddenly turned and looked at me. He seemed startled, I must've snuck up on him. "Oh," he started, pausing his music and taking his earbuds out, "Rose. I didn't think you'd be coming back," he said, taking his leisurely time to put his shirt back on.

I did my best not to watch, but it was still as hard as it was when we were dating. "Neither did I," I said as I moved around him and went to Mama, hoping she would distract me. He watched me, I could tell. I could feel his eyes burning into my skin. He slowly moved closer to me, and I turned around to face him. "Then... why are you here?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said. Being in so close proximity, I didn't need to speak loud for him to hear me. And if I spoke any louder, I was afraid that it would disturb everyone in the world, and break this dream-like moment.

"Why did you come here?" I retorted, looking up at him. Is he taller? Am I shorter? Or had I just forgotten what it was like to be next to him?

He had been staring into my eyes, but when he asked that, he closed them and looked away.

"I don't really know either," he said, and he slowly reached out, looking down at me again, and his hand brushed against mine, and slowly wrapped his hand around mine. It made my breath hitch in my chest, and I looked away from him, but I didn't take my hand away. "I just... Sam and I got back on YouTube, but... it wasn't the same anymore. So we just filmed a bunch of videos, and I left in the middle of the night, and I called him when I landed. But I came here to find you. Why I thought that was a good idea...  I don't know."

He let go of my hand and sat down on my bed. But I didn't join him. I can't! I'm seeing someone else..

"What's up with your boyfriend?" he asked. The word boyfriend came out with a sharp edge, almost accusingly. "What about Logan?" I asked. Logan's name came out in a matching, mean tone.

"What's his problem?"

"You showed up out of no where. I'm his girlfriend. Wouldn't you be mad?" I asked. "I am mad," he grumbled under his breath. It hadn't been watching his face, his lips, I wouldn't have caught what he sad. "Mad at him or at yourself?" I asked.

"At myself for cheating on you and ruining things," he said, his eyes shooting up and immediately finding mine. I knew he had more to say, but he just looked away from me and sighed. "Do you have school today?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered, turning away from him and going towards the kitchen to get something to drink. "Don't," he said, immediately standing up and following me. "Don't go. Stay here with me, let's catch up." Before I knew it, his hand was on mine and he had me cornered.

"I can't, Colby," I said, looking of my shoulder at him. "Then what about lunch?" he asked. "I have plans already," I said. We were speaking so quick, replying to each other within milliseconds. "With Logan?"

"No."

"Then who?"

"My friends."

"Then what about dinner tonight? I'll pay."

"Logan will be home by then."

He sighed, finally giving up. "Well. Then fuck me," he said, moving away. I sighed, watching him. I slowly walked towards him, he was leaning against the counter away from me. I reached out and touched his back.  He flinched.

"You can come to lunch with us," I say softly, finally giving up. Alan and Julie wouldn't mind, I'm sure. We were always talking about drama when it comes to Logan and Colby and me. He looked over his shoulder at me and sighed.

"I can't even look at you, Rose," he said. "What?"

"It hurts. Looking at you. Just... so many memories. Those months that we were dating, those were the best of my life."

I had to be honest with him. I have to keep being honest, humble. I leaned down next to him, resting my elbows on the counter as well. "Mine too," I said. He looked over at me, his eyes darting from each of my eyes. "Do you think we could ever go back?" he asked. My first instinct was to play dumb. "To L.A.?"

"Maybe," he said, "but I meant back to us. Back to being Rose and Colby. My name will always be second," he chuckled. A small smile tugged at the corners of my lip. A real smile appeared on Colby's face. "Wow," he said. I raised my eyebrows in question. "Nothing. You're just so pretty," he reached out, and he pushed my hair behind my ear. I've been keeping it at a short "bob" for a while now. It's just short, to my chin.

"I never thought I'd like you with short hair, those few times you mentioned it," he said, then he moved his hand from my ear to my cheek, and he rested his hand there. "It was an impulse thing, happened in Sacramento," I said. "It looks fantastic on you," he smiled, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. He glanced down at my lips, then started to lean in. My breath hitched again.

My heart was screaming at me to let him kiss me. The last time we did, I was still mad at him. The idea of him and Elena was still fresh in my memory, and he was kissing me to just try and convince me to stay with him. It felt good to know he wanted me and cared for me so much, as sick as that was. Just as our lips brushed, though, I pulled back. "Colby..."

"Spare me the heartbreak, I know, you've got a boyfriend," he sighed and pulled his hands away. "I should've known better than to come out here."

"You should've," I agreed.

He sighed and looked over his shoulder at me. "There's something I have to know," he said. I crossed my arms, looking up at him. "What?" I asked. He moved closer to me and reached out, taking my hand in his. He nodded to my wrist. I just nodded, giving him permission to look. He pushed my sleeve up, looking at my old scars. "God," he said. He had a look on his face that I've never seen before. "What?"

He hugged me tighter, holding me closer. This wasn't like yesterday's hug, he was hugging me so tight: so I couldn't move away. He just needed to hold onto something. "You did that because of me." I didn't say anything, I just glanced down at his lips then he chest. There were two necklaces around his neck: a cross, and my Cartier ring. Seeing it again, seeing it on him, made me start to cry.

He pulled away and held my hand again. He lifted it to his lips and kissed it, and held my hand to his chest as he moved closer, just looking at me.

Then he kissed me.

And I let him.