XPLR | Colby Brock

~119~

Rudy hugged my legs. "I'm going to miss you!" he said as he looked up at me. I smiled and pet his hair. "I will too, I'll call you. Don't worry. You promise to keep practicing?" I asked. 

He pulled away and wiped his eyes. "I promise," he said. Jenny passed him, and she pulled me into a hug. "Thank you," she said. "I should be thanking you!" I said with a chuckle. She shook her head. "It's been a blessing having you stay with us," she said as she pulled away, keeping her hand on my shoulders. 

"You saved me a lot of money by letting me stay with you. If you're ever in New York, I'll repay the favor," I said softly as I look down at my carry on bag. "And thank you for taking me to the airport." 

"Oh, stop saying "thank you" and "sorry". We love you," she said. She gave me a heart felt smile. "Have fun in New York. Call us soon!" 

I nodded, just as they called my boarding number. I looked over my shoulder and I said, "That's my cue. Goodbye," I said, turning to walk away, waving to them. Rudy waved. "Bye!" 

And just like that, I was on the plane to my next adventure. The next chapter of my life. 

I can do this. 

~~~

Colby pulled away, and he stared at me for a few seconds. "Well...?" he asked softly. 

"What do you want me to do? Huh? Do you want me to give up New York to follow you?" 

Colby took his hands away from my face, and I leaned back in my seat and stared forward. "No, Rose, that's not what I want." 

Whatever decision I make will be permanent. Do I want a life with Colby?

Yes, God, yes! Of course I do! 

Or do I want a life with music?

Oh, don't make me choose. Please don't make me choose.

But look at this: look at how you feel now! Look at how you felt an hour ago at the piano! That's Colby v. Music. What do you want? 

God, don't make me choose. 

"If you hadn't cheated on me, hadn't ruined it, what would you have done, huh? What if I had taken the offer and left you in California?" 

"I'd do long distance," he said. 

"This is pointless," I said. "Well what do you want me to say, Rose?" He asked, standing up, but he didn't back up so I couldn't close the door. "What did you want me to do. If I hadn't cheated on you, hadn't ruined it?" 

"I don't know, Colby! You know what? I wasn't going to take the offer because I wanted to stay with you. You were more important than music to me. I didn't want you to have to choose what to do, because YouTube was important to you. Your life is in Los Angeles, and you know what, so was mine. Everything I loved was in LA, you were in LA! Elena was in LA, so was music and everything I ever knew, so I wasn't going to regret giving up the scholarship because I was going to be with you." 

Colby stared at me, as if he never realized that. He never did. 

"Rose, come home. Please." 

"I am home, Colby. And I'm going to New York," I said. Before I could come up with something better to say, I said, "And Logan's going to pick me up from the airport. It's kind of sad that I was able to rely on him more than my own boyfriend of six, nearly seven months," I said, menacingly. 

I looked up at him now, and I could see his heartbreaking. I looked away before he started crying. "This is what you want?" he asked. I didn't even realized I started crying as well. 

All the voices and emotions in my mind were fighting for superiority. Go home with him! Some yelled. Tell him to go fuck himself, he broke your heart! Others commanded. 

My heart was pounding against my rib cage, and I couldn't breathe. This is it, this is the break up I had avoided. That I ran away from. I've never gone through something like this, ever. The air was freezing, and with every quiet sob or sharp intake of air, it felt like the air was slitting my throat.

"I love you, Rose," he said. Instincts told me to say it back, but I just couldn't. "Don't say that, Colby, don't make it worse." 

He sighed. "Can I see?" he asked. "See what?" I retorted, looking back up at him. He gestured towards his wrist. "Colby..."

"No," he said, "No. Let me see. I know you hate me, but I love you, and I need to make sure you're going to be okay." 

I grumbled to myself and pull my jacket sleeve up and hold it out, just so he can look. I haven't cut since that night I got home from the party. 

He ran his hand down the scars and he intertwined his fingers with mine. "Be careful, Rose. Okay? Okay. I love you," he said. He leaned in and kissed my cheek, then he stood up and shut the door, after handing me the flowers. I didn't want him to. I didn't want him to. Dear, God, let me get through this. Let me get through this. 

I put the flowers in the seat next to me and reluctantly started the engine, and I pulled away and left Colby in the parking lot of my old high school.

I sobbed. And I cried. And I cried for a long time. But I still packed up my things, with the fantasy  of New York City in my mind. 

~~~

I read a book on the five hour plane ride. I was going to be jet lagged out of my mind, but I didn't care. As the plane landed, I put my book away and sighed. 

I never thought I'd make it here.

Once I finally got off the plane, I stretched. I was sitting next to a guy who hogged the arm rest, and I was ready for a nap now. I needed a nap. 

I took my carry on bag and got off the plane within twenty minutes. I stiffled a yawn as I walked out of the tunnel and emerged at my gate. I looked around for a moment, when I spotted him. 

Logan was sitting on the bench with his back to me, tapping his legs to some song. He had one earbud in. I walked towards him and tapped his shoulder. He turned around and smiled as he stood up. "Hey," he said, offering a hug to me. Which I took. 

I took more comfort in it than I thought I would. Or thought I should.