Before you knew

24. Golden.

That evening I lay in bed and decide to FaceTime Clay.

I missed him all day and it was annoying. I've never had this before.

After a few rings the call gets answered and a sleepy looking Clay smiles back through the phone. I let out a breath and smile. 'Hey!' He says. 'Did I wake you up?' I ask as I see that he's still in bed. He sets the phone against the other pillow as he moves his arms under his pillow and lays his head down on it while looking at the phone. 'Mhm.' He answers. 'Ahw I'm sorry.' I says. The golden light of the early morning sun dances on his skin. It illuminates him perfectly. His face, jaw, and bare shoulders get lit up and given a golden color. He looks insane. The sleepy smile and mussed hair. The toned shoulders and arms get defined by the golden sunlight.

I think back to my mothers words.

"What happens when you get a boyfriend while living with him?"

Worse.
What would happen if he got a girlfriend?

Anyone would live for the sight that I get to see over the phone.

'How has it been so far?' He asks. I smile at the sound of his voice.

The way he hugs me even though I only lay my forehead against him. The bumping into him and him holding me steady. The defensiveness when Eric got too close. The way he dealt with over exited me at the airport. How faintly upset he looked when I left for the Netherlands.

He.
He must be too good to be true.

'What are you smiling about?' He asks, making me look away. 'It's weird not having you here.' I say honestly. 'Yeah, I know.' He says softly. I look back at the screen to see him smiling softly. He looks so warm and soft. 'You're not wearing a shirt.' I state. 'That's what I call freedom.' He says, making me giggle. 'I want to come home.' I say. His face drops a little. 'Is something wrong? Didn't something happen?' He asks. I shake my head the best I can while I lay on my side. 'I thought you missed the Netherlands?' He asks. 'I....' god if only I could say I miss him. If only we were that close. Close enough to say things like that. 'Where you are, that's my home.' I say. His eyes widen the slightest bit as the golden sunlight shimmers in his eyes. 'I chose America for a reason. I wanted it to be my home, and it is.' I say. I can see him visibly relaxing. 'And I miss the sun.' I mumble. He chuckles, making my heart clench.

How things changed.

How I changed by a single person.
How he makes my chest ache in the most beautiful way.

Falling for my roommate was never an option,
I never wanted it to be.

But then why? Why? Why when I look at him do I feel so happy and at peace.

I sigh and roll onto my back. 'Are you homesick?' He asks. I let out a laugh. In a way I am. 'I don't think that's it.' I say. 'Then what is it?' He asks. 'America is my escape.' I say as I turn back to the screen. And he, my safe haven.

'A little longer, Amelia. Just a little longer.' He says. I sigh as he shifts a little. 'So make the most of it while you're there.' He tells me. I smile softly 'You're right.' I say. He smiles 'I know.' I scoff at his words.

We end the call and I stare up at the ceiling of my old bedroom.

What the hell is going on with me.