Before you knew

52. Like you.

'What happened between the two of you?'

Clay sits next to me, looking as if he has the same heavy feeling in his chest as me.

'We almost loved once,' I say. I bite my lip at the memory.

'It was our eyes meeting from across a crowded room, and him helping me with a tricky math problem and grinning when I got it right and feeling electrified every time our bodies brushed against each other.'

'Almost love is the worst. Especially when it's with the person you're in a relationship with. It's full of what-ifs and I-wishes. When you know it could have worked with better timing, it tears you apart.'

'And it wasn't even for the fast that it was almost love, it was the timing. Both messed up home circumstances. Therefore he was mad a lot, and eventually directed his anger to me. It was hard, and never meant to be.'

Clay sighs as I finish talking,
'You never hurt him.' He says.

'I had no reason to. And maybe he realized I never did anything to him. Maybe that's why he came.' I say. Clay looks at me 'you never wanted him back?' He asks. I shake my head with a soft and sad smile. 'No. I felt unsafe and stressed around him. I know what is better now.' I say. 'What is better?' He asks. I chuckle softly. 'Yes. Someone I want to go to when scared or upset. Someone I trust completely.' Clay sighs at my words and turns his head away. 'Like Nick.' He says. I raise my eyebrows as I look at Clay. His words were soft but I understood. 'No.' Nick is different. It's not what I mean.

Clay turns to me, looking confused.

My face heats up as I look away.
'Someone like you.