Before you knew

181.

My phone rings, waking me up.
I quickly answer, hoping Tyler will stay asleep.

'Clay?'
I slip out of bed and out of the room.
'Hey love.'
I smile and yawn, leaning against the wall on the stairs.
'Hey.' I yawn again and sit down on the stairs.
'Still tired?' I chuckle 'it's four in the morning, so yeah.'

'Oh shit- my bad.'
I smile as I blink my eyes sleepily.
'How are you doing?'
'I miss you.'

I smile.
'That's fast.'
'You're far away.'

'I know. I want to come home.'
Clay sighs, and a small silence follows.
His presence on the other side of the quiet static makes me miss it more.
I don't want to have to realize what is happening.

'I want to come home, Clay.'
My nose tingles as tears fill my eyes.
'I want to leave.'

I sniffle softly.
'Hey, you're coming home soon enough.
Be strong for me for a little while longer.'

'I want you here.'
He huffs 'me too.'

Clay couldn't come along because he had to go somewhere for work.
Some sort of meeting that I didn't understand.
Now he's on the other side of the ocean.

'You should try to go back to sleep, you need it.'
I know I do, but I know I won't be able to sleep anyways.
'Alright.' I sigh 'alright.'

'I'll talk to you soon, alright?'
'Yeah.'

'Goodnight love.'

'Night.'

I lay awake till the sun enters the room and Tyler comes to live again.
We have breakfast, but no one really gets anything down.

'I was thinking.... maybe we could spend the last months in America, close to Amelia.'
I look up at the idea that Kim spoke out just now.

'Dennis is there too.'

'And you'll be close when she'll have the baby.'
Michael's words make my heart heavy, and my belly ache.

'That's a good idea.'
Mom agrees.

I'm staring at my plate before I stand up.
'Excuse me for a second.'

I quickly get up and walk out of the open front door.
Tears burn in my eyes as I hold my hand over the unborn child.
She's not going to be there for most of it.
I won't have a parent to fall back on.

The baby.
The wedding.

I have to do it alone.

'Oh, Amelia....'
Kim walks up, tears in her eyes.

'She won't be there for any of it, we'll be lucky if she can meet the baby.'
Kim pulls me in for a hug. 'It's alright. You'll be okay.'

The more upset I get the more my belly hurts.
It's not good, the stress, the doctor said so.
But I can't choose my life.
So what do I do.

'You need to be home in your state. And the family need to get together, Clay included now.'

I want to go to him.
I want to hide away from the world in his arms,
Just for a second, it's all I ask.

Micheal walks out with his phone.
'Here.' He says.

I take it and put it to my ear.

'Hey...'

My wish came true.
'Clay.'
My voice becomes shaky.

I close my eyes as he answers.
'Hey darling. I heard the plans, seems like you'll be home soon.'
I take a deep breath. 'Yeah...'

'I saw a kitten today. Was very cute.'
'Oh yeah?'
'Yes. Made me think of you. It was grey with blue eyes and really soft.'

He rambles on about the kitten, His distraction calming me a little.

A week later we're on our way to Florida again.