Before you knew

34. Minute of a lifetime.

'Clay?' I say after i knocked. 'Can I come in?' I ask. 'Yeah.'

I open the door to see him sitting on bed, in the dim light of the lamp on his nightstand. Noting in his hand or around him. Just sitting there. His hair seems golden in the light. He looks at me expectingly as I step in and close the door behind myself. 'We should talk right?' I say as I nervously stand at the end of the bed. He looks at me before patting the bed next to him. He moves the pillow against the wooden headboard so I can sit against it, and I do.

I have no idea to start this.

'Cl-'
'I-'

I look at him after we spoke at the same time.
'I don't know what happened... but....' Clay starts again first. 'You don't deserve to be that upset.' He says. I look at him before looking at my hands in my lap. 'I know you thought about things after Nick asked you some questions. I don't know about-' 'you.' I say cutting him off. 'Me?' He asks after he stopped talking and took in the one word that left my mouth. 'Well you and some other things crossed my mind.' I say. 'You don't have to tell me.' He says, but the curiosity is obvious. 'I don't know what to do with you.' I say. He looks at me 'what does that mean?' He asks. 'I don't really know.' I say back. 'This isn't exactly clearing anything.' He says. 'No I know.' I say. 'But?' He asks.

I look up at him and sigh before scooting closer and laying my head against his shoulder.

Just give me this for a bit.
Just a fraction of your time,
Close to me.

I stay quiet as he moves the arm I'm leaning against.
At first I think he wants to move me away, but he lays his hand over my small ones. His one big hand hides both of mine. 'Everything's okay, right?' He asks. 'Between us.' I move my hand to hold his, slipping my fingers between his. My hand being way smaller then his. He squeezes lightly. 'I hope so.' I say.

He lets out a breath.

How long till it's not though?
How long till he decides to leave me too.

I start to let go of his hand, but he squeezes it to hold it in place.
'A little longer..... please.'
My heart aches.
How long will you want that Clay?
How long till it gets annoying.

'Clay, I-'
I give it another try, pulling my hand back.
He lets go.

When I look up at his face he's looking away.
'Clay?'

He doesn't move, so I move. I sit on my knees in front of him and reach my hands to his face. I hold it gently and turn him to me. The hurt and upset look makes my already sad expression sadden more.

'Clay...'

He avoids my eyes but doesn't move away.

'What do we do?' I whisper.
His eyes move up to meet mine.
'Try not to drift away from me.' He answers just as softly.

I let his face go and move in to hug him.

'When I can hold you, is the only time I can be assured you won't drift away from me.' He says as he wraps his arms around me and buries his head in the crook of my neck.
He holds me tightly.
'Just stay close to me for a little while. Even if it's just one minute out of a lifetime.'

I pull back and look at him. Again he doesn't meet my eyes.
'You took the words right out of my mouth.'
I with a chuckle and look away, hands still resting on his shoulders.

Now he looks up, glimmer of hope dancing in his green eyes.
'That's all I ask for.'