Before you knew

31. Pick up.

'I just said something mean to Clay by accident.'
'Just calm down a little. Apologize to him after.'
'I- Nick I really don't know anymore.'

I clutch my sweater in my fist.

'It's okay. You're allowed to not know for a second.'

I sniffle and wipe the tears with my sleeve.

'I don't want to hurt Clay.'

I say in a small and pathetic voice that makes me hate myself.

'I know you don't. I bet he knows that too. You're just upset, it'll be okay.'
'Okay.'
'Yeah?'
'Mhm.'

I take a deep breath, knowing I won't get the shaking under control, but at least stopping the crying.

'Text me if you still want to stay at mine. Talk to Clay first, okay?'
'Okay.'
'Good. Text me in a bit.'
'Alright.'

We hang up and I throw into the grass. That was mean of me.
I grab my phone and get to my feet after having dried my face. I walk around the car to Clays side with shaky legs and I open the door. 'I'm offering a hug.' I say as I don't make eye contact. It takes a second, and I nearly give up on it, but he gets out of the car. He steps closer and lays his forehead on my shoulder, having to bend down a fair bit because of his height. This time it's him who doesn't hug back, and it's me who wraps my arms around him. 'I'm sorry.' I say. 'I know.' He mumbles.

We stay like that for a bit before I chuckle a little. 'I never offered a hug before in my life.' I say. 'First time for everything.' He says as he stands up straight again, making me let go of him.

'So will you go to Nick?' He asks. I fold my arms across my stomach to keep myself warm as I'm cold and shaking with emotions. 'I would still like to.' I say carefully before looking up at him. He gives me a small smile and grabs my shoulders before rubbing my upper arms, as if to warm me up. 'Alright. Get in the car, I'll turn the heater on a little.' He says. I nod and walk around the car to get in.

Clay drives me back to a point both him and Nick know.

Nick waves at us when we drive up. Clay parks the car and we both get out. Nick gives me a hug 'you okay?' He asks. I nod. 'Okay.' He says before letting go. I turn to Clay and he gives me a reassuring smile with a nod, so I give him a small smile. 'See ya soon.' Nick says to Clay as he pats him on his back. 'Take care of her.' Clay says. I pretend I didn't hear, but his sweet words make me feel sadder about actually leaving. 'Lets go then, yeah?' Nick asks to check if I really want to. I nod and walk around the car to get into the passenger side.

We drive off together and I pull my legs up to my chest, hugging my knees and actually fitting like that on the chair. Nick reaches for the backseat and pulls out a soft jacket. He lays it on my knees and i move it so it covers me completely.

'Thank you.'