Before you knew

93. Forgiving.

'Im sorry.' Clay says as he comes back upstairs.

I know it's not my place to at the moment, but I hug him briefly before pulling back and caressing his cheek. 'Are you okay?' I ask. He takes my hand off of his cheek but holds onto it. 'I'm alright.' He says. 'So will you explain what happened?' I ask him. He sighs and lets my hand go so he can move to his bed and sit down. 'She's been trying to get back in contact with me again.' He says. I sit down next to him. 'Sounds great.' I say sarcastically. 'Amazing.' He says. 'She has mental health issues, which is bad enough as it is, but she's used it as excuse to harass minors.' He says. 'Jesus.' I say as I pull my legs to my chest. 'And she's been trying to blame me for abusing her.' He says. I scoff 'you?' I ask. He nods. 'Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Clay is an abusive boyfriend. Sounds about right.' I say. He chuckles weakly. 'Yeah right?'

I bump my shoulder into him 'cheer up.' I say seeing how he looks down. 'Let her try whatever she wants to try, people who know you know better. And the choice of having her come back into your life is up to you, so if you don't want it, just tell her off.' I say. 'I told her off many times before.' He says sounding upset. 'Clay you have to make choices. Relationship choices.' I say. He looks me in the eye 'I want you.' He says. I nod and look away 'then fix your shit.' I say as I stand up.

I open his door 'I stoped seeing the girl I was dating as soon as you packed you bags. She never came over.' He says. I nod again. At least that's something 'I never really liked her.' He says. Now I turn back to him 'that's mean towards her.' I say. 'I had to try and see if I could move on from you.' He says as he looks at his hands in his lap. 'Mission failed.' I say. He lets out a laugh 'Sure did.'

He's not looking up at me.
He looks upset and in a way lonely.

I've seen him around friends and family, and he's never looked like this before. Even when upset he didn't look this alone. I walk back over and kneel down in front of him so I can look him in the eye while he looks down at his hands. 'What's going on with you, huh?' I ask. 'I fucked up.' He says. 'I don't want to say this, but you kind of did.' I say. 'Yeah. My family is mad for what I did to you, they think you hate me now.' He meets my eyes with the last couple of words.

I smile softly and lay my hand over both of his 'I think, that even if I were to try to hate you with my entire being, I would never be able to truly hate you. Even if I wish I could.' I say. He seems surprised 'why not?'  He asks. 'Why would I, you've never disrespected me, you've taken care of me and you make me happy, even when you do things that hurt me temporarily.' I explain. 'You'll always have that tiny piece of my heart that will be unable to hate, or dislike you.' I say. He seems to tear up, though he's good at hiding it. 'I don't deserve that.' He says as he looks away and wipes his face. 'To late.' I say as I stand up. 'You've got it. It's yours wether you like it or not. Treat it as you will.' I say.

I want to turn away and head out, but he pulls me closer by the hoops in my pants. He wraps his arms around my waist when I'm close enough before laying his head against my chest. Seeing how he's sitting down and I'm standing. 'I will try.' He says. 'I will try to forever cherish, and take care of that tiny piece that you've allowed me to have.' He says. I wrap my arms around his shoulders. 'Thank you.' I whisper. He lets out a deep breath 'I'm sorry.' He says. 'For being such an idiot, yeah I think you should be.' I say. He chuckles 'yeah, for that. And for not appreciating you enough.' He says. I move my hand to rub his back

'it's alright, I forgive you.'