Before you knew

158.

After my shift, I head to my appointment.
Clay doesn't know about this one.

I sit at the desk in the doctors office,
'Its a boy.'

The words hit me hard.
'Fuck.'
Its what Clay had hoped for.

'So, how is the decision coming along?'
I look at the woman.
The one person who has to know my decision.

'I don't think I can do it. But I've told Clay I'd try. I told him we'd try. I just.... I just want to see him happy.'
Tears well up in my eyes and the woman seems sympathetic.
'Amelia, this is more then his happiness. If you don't want this child it's not going to end happily when you do have it.'

God.
'I know. That's why I'm here.'

We make further appointments and get it settled.

I park my car in my uncle's driveway.
I need to talk to him about this.

I knock on the door and wait for and answer.
Someone walks up and opens the door.
'You have a key, kid. You don't have to kno-'
I hug him.
And I hold on for dear life.

'I need your help.' I whisper as tears slip away.
                                     'Always.'