Before you knew

163. Interrupt.

I'm in my car, with shaky hands.
I told Clay I'm working an extra shift, but I'm not.
I've apologized a million times to him in my mind.

I walk into the hospital, and wait for my name to be called in the waiting room.
I let out a deep breath when they do, and raise to my feet.
This is it.

They give me different clothes, and an IV.
I sit on the bed and wait until a doctor walks in.

'We have to ask you again, are you sure you want to go through with this?' The woman asks.
I let out a shaky breath and nod.
'Is the father not coming?'

My heart clenches, and my voice is unable to come out,
So I shake my head no.

The woman nods and stands up.
'They'll get started in a couple of minutes.'

The woman leaves the room, and tears leave my eyes.
There's no going back, and Clay will hate me.
I may hate myself.
Thinking about whether this is right doesn't add up in my mind anymore.

Im six weeks in now.
If I never spoke of having been pregnant,
Then no one would have known.

This is the only way to go back.

I lay my head back and close my eyes.
Light freckles in the golden glow of the setting sun.
Green eyes.
Fluffy blonde hair.

I'm going to miss it.

'We're ready, please follow us.'
Barefoot, I follow the doctor.
I sit down on the weird chair, and put my feet in the holders.
Its an awkward position.

'You have been informed about what's going to happen?'
I look at the doctor.
'Not completely.'

The doctor starts to explain and I listen.
This may be painful, that's all that I get out of it.
The ache in my chest is a good distraction at that.

They bring in the things, and get ready to start the procedure.

'No please, let me in.'
I look up at the familiar muffled voice.
'Sir, please, they started the procedure a bit ago.'

I hear the argument outside.
How does he know?

'Please! Just let me in, thats the mother of my child!'
Clays muffled voice is desperate.

'Let him through.'
Of course.
My eyes tear up.
Of course my uncle told him.

They are about to start, but the door slam open, and Clay stands there, terrified and panting.
Tears stream down his face. 'What have you done?' He asks, his voice breaking.

'I-' tears stream down my face without stop.
'Wh-' Clay covers his face with his hands.

I pull my legs to my chest before slipping out of the big scary looking chair.
Dennis stands behind Clay, a hand on his back.
He notices, by the way I'm walking, that they weren't too late.

'We were on time.' Dennis say to Clay.
Clays red eyes look up at me.
He looks slightly angry, but walks up and lifts me up.
'Put your things away, it's not happening.' Clay says angrily as he carries me out of the room.
I let out a shaky breath and wrap my arms around clays neck.

I need to breath.
The faint smell of yesterday's cologne still clings to his skin,
Not having had a chance to shower yet.

This is what I needed.
Remind me,
That no matter how scary things get.
Your scent, your warmth,
Eases everything.

Like yesterday,
And after I got shot.

No matter how scary, and how calming he is,
I nearly choose to get rid of him and the child.
Foolish.

I get a chance to breath.

So I breath in.

And oh, as my mind breathes, I get filled with the beautiful glory of times past. The untold memories of which I have come. Let me feel and free those in it's wrath, as I try to unfold my wings and fly free from its grasp.

Life was not supposed to be this way, but oh glorious days, have I let you fall, let me breathe flames. As the curious tomorrow chimes in, and the lightness of the past has passed.

I will feel free from my darkness and get out of its grasp.