Before you knew

141.

'No Clay.'

He doesn't stop as he opens the dark wooden door of the waiting room, a picture of a happy baby on it.
'No.' I nearly cry out.

Clay turns around as I walk up to him.
'Don't leave me behind, please.'

The beg leaves my lips in a broken sound,
Making Clay freeze.

I kind of slam into his tall frame, wrapping my arms around him tightly.
I grip his shirt, accidentally scraping my nails over his clothed skin.
No movement from him as his warmth soaks into my skin, burning into my memory.

Desperation drips from my fingertips as I clutch his shirt in my hands.
'Don't leave me.'

A quiet beg that hangs in the air, awaiting a response.

'We're going to fucking talk about this when we're done.'
He speaks through gritted teeth.
Though he's mad, his arms wrap around my shoulders.

'And we're doing this wether you want to or not.'

His hands slide over my back, both resting on my shoulders.

The entire appointment goes by in a haze, and it isn't until I get pictures from the echo put in my hands, that it hits. Somethings there. A little blob on the black and white paper. 'Can I see?' Clay as he extends his hand. I lay them in his big hand and he looks at them, his expression controlled.

Fake.

Its not something he's good at when it comes to controlling his expression and emotions.
Though it's not like he's controlling, it's more like he shut them off.

'So I'll see you in three weeks.'
I nod and stand up.

As we walk to the exit, I repeat her words.

'If you want to get rid of it, it's better to do it as soon as possible.' She had said to note to my earlier words to Clay, the sooner the better. 'But, take some time to think it over, it's a big decision.'

We get into the car.
I wait for Clay to start the car, put it in reverse and make his way out of the parking space, but he does nothing.
'Why am I the problem?' It's like a dark cloud looms over him, one of his words guaranteed to hit me like lightning.

'I...' I take a breath to collet the right words. 'It's because of how we've been. You grow further away from me as this goes on. And I'm scared. Because what if I can't get myself to care about this little blob in me? What if I really don't want it?' I ask the questions that pulled my attention from the actual appointment. I was supposed to figure one of those things out, but to many emotions made me not care about the entire appointment.

Clay looks at me before looking away and signing. He rubs his face and I watch as he runs his finger through his hair. 'I can't stop you.' The words didn't leave his lips with ease. He doesn't want that to be the truth and the sharp exhale shows how hard those four words were. 'So go on and do it if you want.'

The most insincere words that I've ever heard him say.

'Stop being like this.'
He looks at me with an angry expression.

'You should be glad that I'm saying this.'
He growls at me, tone low and dark.

'I know you don't mean it, and your tone sucks.'

His mouth opens to say something back but his phone rings.
He looks at it and picks up.

'Im busy.' I watch as his big hand holds the phone to his ear. His knitted brows and tense shoulders. 'I'm in the city, why?' He listens before sighing. 'I'm with Amelia, can it wait?' He asks, clearly irritated. I realize how scary he sounds when he's mad. 'I'm not mad!' He says a little to loud.

I grab his arm 'calm down, they didn't do anything.' I tell him.
He sighs 'sorry, sorry, you just called on a wrong time.' He says.

'Fine I'll pick him up.'

With that Clay hangs up,
putting his phone in the cup holder and starting the car.