Seokjin centric oneshot (jin×bangtan)

Late night pt2

An:- mention of s*cide

Jin came back down from that place. Out of breath. He needs help He knows. But he also dont want help. He doesn't deserves it. He stumbles back to his room. He tried to do it. He tried to....do...it. but he didn't. He wants to. His mind for a very weired reason wants to. But his heart stopped him. He never said them good bye. He wrote no letters. Never met his brother one last time. Didn't met Ken and sandule didnt met his friends. He can not do it without it. Plus he wants to portray it as natural as possible. He doesn't wants them to think of him as a disgusting being. He knows he is worst. Worthless useless and pathetic. And being with them or not will make litreal 0 difference in it.

He himself tried to isolate from his group. He spoke less, he made his presence as invisible as possible. But then that day, when he met his brother he accidentally spilled out his feelings. Kind off, I mean saying "well let's see.....you might not see me again...so just thought to meet you once." Wasn't an alarming point for a brother to ask his brother about his well being then what else could be? "Jin.....you are alright right? It's 2am agi, and you are saying to me you might not meet me ever again....Jin, you know we love you right? Please tell me you are alright....even if you are not please let me know" were his brother's words to him. But despite of the protest jin took his leave from his brother's house at 2.30 am. Had a full blown melt down in his car on the road. How should he tell his brother that infact he was not ok....he felt pathetic so he cried more. He cried more cause he felt disgusted to cry like a mental in a car.

Somehow returned home as tears still left his eyes, "hyu..hyung?" He heard kookie call him. He wiped his tears and sent him back to sleep. Next day he was called out for crying. He felt disgusted by himself he hates it when precious beings put attention on him because he was not precious. Funny how he wrote and sang Epiphany. Because he dosent loves himself no more. Went to the bathroom, to throw up. He wasn't sick. He made himself sick. After every meal. Because he deserves it. Went to work. Danced and danced until his vision blurred up and his stomach ached as he slipped and fell. Suddenly pain came running down. Not physical. But emotional.

For a moment he felt like a  human. Cause he sheded tears. Got cared for. Was asked to take care. Felt the warmth of his best friend also like his little brother as he carried him in the car. Felt yoongi's arms through his hair, felt hoseok blinking his tears away to stay strong. Felt jimin carefully hold his hand. Felt taehyung cursing bad drivers to let them go ahead because jin was ill. Felt the worry in namjoon's voice as he made the appointment. He felt like a human.

But then he knew he was too far away to reach someone. Anyone for help. He can not do that. He can not step back now. So he got up, with his broken hand and walked. Out of the apartment in the dead of the night. Took the staircase, up to the roof. And peeked through the edge. He was on too much of height that looking down made him dizzy. He stepped back. Not now. He already kept a empty book and a pen he sat down, writing something. Too lost in his thoughts to write that he failed to notice 6 pairs of feet on their tiptoes walking up and standing in a dark corner watching him write. He was too lost in his emotions that he failed to notice 6 pairs of eyes saw him wipe his tears off his cheek as he finished writing. Took a deep breath of sigh.

Folded the paper perfectly, putting it in his pocket slowly walking back to his dorm. Once in there it was dark just like he left it. He went in his room, quietly opening his drawer side. Slipping the paper down. Going back to sleep. For some reason a deep sleep. Probably because of the pain medication he was on. The drawer was opened by yoongi. Taking the folded paper out closing it slowly. They followed him. Because they wanted to know where he was going.  He walked back slowly in the living room where the others were waiting patiently. He looked at namjoon.  Namjoon nodded as he took the piece of paper in his hand. "What does it says hyung? " Taehyung asked. "I didn't read it tae...." yoongi said. Namjoon unfolded the paper frowning a little as he read it.