Not Mine

9

Carla

I looked at my left hand. I stared at the ring that sat on my ring finger. It was surrounded by tiny diamonds. It was a beautiful ring no doubt but was it supposed to be mine? No. Tears welled up in my eyes looking at the ring.

Why did I agree to this? I don't know. I looked up and my eyes fell on my reflection. I was wearing a beautiful pure white mermaid gown. Was it supposed to be mine? No. I always imagined myself something like this at my wedding, but this dress was way more beautiful than what I imagined. My hair was neatly formed into a loose bun and a few strands of my hair were left, to structure my face.

I looked at the bouquet that I held, which was now on the dresser. Was I the one who was supposed to hold it? No. Nothing that was around me was mine. Noting belonged to me. I ruined everything.

Was I forced? No, not at all. It was a choice. It was my choice. I chose this.

Tears rolled down from my eyes. I messed it all up. I destroyed everything.

The face that I saw a few hours ago was enough to let me know how much I ruined everything. Was I helpless? No.

Why?

Why?

Why? That was the only word that echoed in my mind.

I played with everyone's life. What have I done? This will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.

I got up from the floor and walked towards the dresser and pulled the drawer out and took one of the bottles that I placed a few hours ago. I took the knife which was placed next to the fruit basket and cut the bottle open. Bubbles erupted out. My hand was covered in the liquid that oozed out from the bottle. I shoved the bottle into my mouth and drank directly out of it.

I just ruined two people's lives and it is definitely a thing to celebrate, isn't it? I slumped on the floor and my dress pooled around me.

If I thought things couldn't get any worse, all how wrong was I? Taking another sip right out of the bottle, I looked around the room, which had been beautifully decorated. Well, it was supposed to be for the married couple.

I took the vase that was on the coffee table next to me and threw it across the wall. I was angry, sad, and frustrated all at once. I saw the vase hit the wall and shatter into pieces and scatter across the floor. More tears rolled down my eyes as I looked at my dress.

Cigarettes. I wanted a smoke. It's been really long since I smoked but I only did when I was too sad and today was a fucking celebration! I got up and walked to the nightstand where I put a pack of cigarettes that I stole from Cliff. The tiny pieces of the broken vase pierced my foot but that was nothing compared to what my mind was enduring right now.

He was gone for hours now and wasn't gonna return for a long time. I pulled the drawer open and took the pack and pulled one out. I placed it between my lips and looked around for the lighter.

I walked to the dresser and searched for the lighter but sadly didn't find it. I looked the complete room and the bathroom for a matchbox or a lighter but got frustrated when I didn't find one.

"Fucking hell!" I yelled in frustration as I got rid of the veil and threw it on the floor. I took the bottle which I had a place on the nightstand and headed out for a lighter. I wore my shoes with were by the door. I opened the door of the honeymoon suite only to welcome a freezing breeze.

I shiver as the dress didn't have any sleeves because it was strapless. Our suite was on the ground floor and I could see the snow blanketing the green grass. Not bothering about the heels I was wearing, I began to walk in the snow but realized it was hard to walk in the snow with these shoes. I walked back and stood and placed my free hand on the wall for support as I removed the stupid shoes and dropped them and walked bare to fetch a lighter. It was cold but it was soothing the pain I received walking on the glass pieces.

I didn't get time to assess my wounds, but who cares. I walked over to the reception and stood behind the counter. The receptionist looks horrified, to say the least. I looked like an idiot with no life. I was crying and my eyes were probably red and puffy. I had been drinking all day long and destroyed all of my makeup crying. My hair was a mess. All in all, I looked no less than a walking disaster.

"Can I get a lighter or a matchbox?" I asked with the cigarette stick still in my mouth. She glared at me for a few seconds before nodding yes and handed me a lighter. I lit my cigarette and placed the lighter back on the counter.

"I'll keep this. Oh, do you have another cigarette?" I slurred and she still looked at me puzzled. She was probably too shocked to process the bride who just got married happily a couple of hours ago was now completely wasted?

She just nodded, maybe too shocked to reply, and handed me another cigarette from her purse. I took the lighter and the cigarette and walked to the back of the resort. I stood when I felt I was far enough from the rest. That place was suffocating me.

I dragged a puff off the cigarette and blew out the smoke. Holding the cigarette between my fingers, I took a sip of the vodka from the bottle. It was a feeling night but I didn't mind.

I was currently on my fourth bottle. I had been drinking the whole day. I found it surprising that I wasn't drunk. Or maybe I was and I still wouldn't know. I leaned my head back and stared at the dark sky. Stars twinkled ant the clear sky looked radiant.

I wanted to find love but as time passed, I realized that love doesn't exist. It was hard but the truth. I had to learn but I didn't and fell in love with Jack. And all he did was screw up my life. He cheated on me but what hit me the hardest was Stella was the one he was in love with. Stella was my friend. The one person I trusted more than myself but what did she do? She fell for my boyfriend.

I was Stella in this relationship. Not really but in a way, yes. My husband or so should I call him, was in love with someone else or should I add the love of his life, and here I was trying to separate that beautiful couple.

I was struggling to keep my eyelids open. My feet were numb and the pain I felt before was gone. I looked in front and back at the sky only to see everything becoming blurry. I didn't know what was happening to me but I knew it was taking me somewhere I like to go.

Soon my legs gave up and I get myself going back. I blinked and I smiled as my back hit the cold floor or that's what I thought. I looked at the stars through my blurry vision and a smile spread across my face. I closed my eyes unable to keep it open anymore.

If only I had made different choices. If I had chosen the right path, I wouldn't have been here drowning in guilt and regret. I was regretting every single moment of my choices right now. And most of all, meeting one person, Aeden Beckett.

Okay, so our girl has been feeling guilty but for what? why do you think she's so guilty that she even resorted to smoking to subside the guilt?

You will find out about it in the next chapter but till then, do share your theories on what happened to Carla that she fainted and also consumed so much alcohol and was behaving erratically.

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