Not Mine

71

Carla

Was I doing the right thing?

Too much thinking will make me regret my decisions.

I take the pill bring it closer to my lips and hold the glass of water with my shaking hands. I didn't want my child to have to grow when it can never be safe.

I don't think Aeden knows about this so it's better if he never finds out. It will be for the best. I don't even know how he will react if he finds out. I just don't want to hear the negative ones, if he didn't like the idea of having children.

Gulping, I place the pill at the seam of my lips. My heart was thudding rapidly against my chest. Closing my eyes I take a deep breath in.

No. Don't you will become a murderer!

My consciousness mocked me and that itself was enough to push the chair back and spring up and throw the pill away.

"Carla! What the hell!" I heard Aeden from behind and I turned to him he pulled the glass from my hand and threw it away, splashing water on us and breaking the glass. He hugs me and buries his face in my neck.

"Carla," he says in a soft voice and I hug him back. His lips vibrate against my skin. He caresses my head, lovingly.

I don't hold back and cry ugly, the nose running and drooling ugly. What the fuck was I doing? I was going to murder someone. Was I so heartless, to kill a child that wasn't even born?

"Shh... don't cry."

"Carla, I'm so sorry." He whispers as he places a soft and feathery kiss at the tip of my ear shell and I go still for a second.

"You think you will abort our child and I'll let you?" He whispers again. And my eyes widen at the fact that he knows.

"Yeah, I know you are pregnant. Eric told me that you asked him for abortion pills. Why Carla? Is it so bad to be the mother of my child?" He chokes out painfully.

I pull back and stare at him in disbelief.

No, I would never feel that way but it is just what he does that scares me the most. The constant fear of him doing illegal things and making more enemies.

"I'm so sorry Carla. I'm so sorry." He whispered and drops to his knees and hugged my belly.

"Please don't kill our child. I beg you." He pleaded as he snuggles his face in my belly. I just stood there too shocked to reciprocate anything.

"I'm so sorry for letting you go. Don't leave me. I won't be able to handle that."

"You know, you are the only woman that has ever made me feel something. This past month without you was like fucking torture. You have no idea how that made me feel." He said. When my t-shirt got wet, I realise he was crying.

"Aeden..." I whispered. My voice was barely audible to my own ears.

"No. No, let me complete. I'm so sorry for everything. But please don't take my child away from me. I can't lose it and I can't lose you too. You both mean so much to me." He snuggled more and kissed my flat belly.

I breathed in sharply, seeing him apologize to me on his knees. Funny how the might Aeden was on his knees.

"Please. I will do everything in my power to keep you and our child safe. Just don't kill it, I won't be able to see you do that." His hold tightened on my body.

Seeing him this vulnerable kinda hurt me. I may be having Stockholm syndrome to actually feel something for him. He was my abuser, wasn't he?

But he changed too. He became gentle. He tried and is still willing maybe.