Dire

78

Sarah and I were having a girls night.

She looked up at me "hey you never told me why don't you like to celebrate your birthday."

"Oh I uh I" stuttered

"You don't have to tell me. I was just wondering."

"No it's okay." I nod closing the cap on the nail polish. "I've just never celebrated it because my mom never celebrated it" I paused "I was the result of her rape. So it was just a reminder of it."

She looked at me "even when you were little?"

I nod. "When I was younger I was confused on why I didn't have one and my siblings did but as I got older I learned to understand."

"So let me get this right. She treated you differently because of what happened?"

"Yeah it's understandable though." I shrug

Sarah looked at me wide eyed "you were a innocent child she chose to have you."

I shrugged.

"Don't shrug lex that's fucked up."

"Sometimes I wonder if things would be different if she knew how it affected Me. I was always so quiet and just hid away and pretended like I didn't mind."

"You should talk to her. it would help you stop wondering."

"I don't know. I haven't been back home since I came back."

"Well maybe at some point you should it might give you closure."

-
A week later

Harry was over and we were sat on the couch. my head was on his chest.

I haven't stopped thinking about what Sarah said about my mom and closure.

"Harry" I spoke softly not sure what he would think

"Hmm?" He hummed

"Can we go to my moms?"

"I'm sorry what?" He cleared his voice

"My moms. can we go?"

"Look at me Alexis." He spoke in a low tone

I looked up

"Of course. but why?" He looked at me confused

"I don't know Sarah and I were talking the other day and I feel like I need closure."

He's eyes bounced back and forth on mine "Yeah i can take you. If that's what you want."

"Harry you will go with me right?"

"Of course I'll drive you."

"No like will you come with me when I talk to her." I correct

He cleared his throat "baby I don't think that's a good idea. I have a temper. I can only hold back so much. If I see she talks to you a certain way.."

"Harry please."

He nodded "ok"

-
Today is the day.

Last night I got super high with Harry just to slow down my thoughts. I am so nervous about today. I've never talked to my mom about how she treated me and how I felt.

Harry held on to my thigh as we got closer. Knowing I was getting more nervous. I placed my hand on his he intertwined our fingers bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it. Giving me a sympathetic smile I give him one back.

He put the car in park. I looked at the house I use to call home which hasn't felt like it even when Harry brought me back.

"We can leave whenever. just say the words. ok?" Harry spoke up breaking me out of my thoughts