Dire

81

"Shut up shut up shut up. Please just stop" I cried into my knees as I sat in a ball on the floor. A empty bottle of whisky next to me. Which only had a few sips before I finished the bottle.

Which was extremely disappointing. I wanted to drown out the voices in my head. They are so loud and they won't stop.

I feel like my body is in a soundproof box screaming and nobody can hear it. I just want it to stop. please.

Not sure how long I laid on the floor but I was now hyperventilating. I need air. I sat up getting up and heading out of my apartment.

The cold air hitting my skin. I walked aimlessly down random streets. My brain still on overdrive. I need it to stop. I need something to make it stop.

-

I walk up to a familiar door. Taking a deep breath and knocking on door.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Sounding confused.

"Sorry to bother you louis but Um uh you said I could come to you if I couldn't go to Harry.." feeling nervous

he nodded letting me in

We sat on the couch.

Again I ask "soo uh what the fuck are you doing here?" Not sounding mean that's just how Louis talks.

"I was wondering if you had stuff that can make my brain stop. Something that will make me happy."

"Like drugs?" He questioned

"Are there some that can help?"

"I mean yeah but they are really strong."

"I think that's what I need." Looking at him desperately

"Are you alright?"

"I wouldn't be here asking if I was would I?" I put my head down

He sighed "I don't recall asking for the sas but alright let me see what I have." Getting up

"But Louis can you not tell harry"

He froze with his back to me

"Please" I begged softly

He turned around "lex I don't know if.."

"Please Louis it's really bad right now. I'll tell him when it's not as bad. I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. you know Harry he's going to want to fix it"

He sighed running his hand through his hair walking away without saying anything else. He came back with a bottle handing to me.

"You won't say anything right?" I looked up at him

"No" sighing sitting down lighting a cigarette.

"Thank you."

He shot forward "Fuck shit um I forget you don't know anything. Those can be addictive lex so be careful only take them when you feel down and no more then twice a day. And eat it with something."

I hugged him he awkwardly held his hands away before tapping my back. I let go "Thank you again"

He nodded "I hope you feel better soon and please please be careful lex."

"I will Louis." I walked out of his house

"Shit I should probably drive you back it's late."

"It's fine."

He shook he's head "we live in a town of gang members love."

Following me out the door with his keys.

-
It's the next day.
Harry and I were supposed to get lunch I stood in the bathroom and I stared at the pills.

I just want to be happy. I'm scared that if my brain goes dark again. Harry won't love me anymore. Yes he knows a bit about how dark it could get but he didn't fall in love with dark me.

I heard the front door open and Harry's voice call out "baby? Are you ready?"

"In the bathroom be right there" I answered back I grabbed a pill and quickly swallowed it.

I walked into the kitchen to see Harry eating strawberries. "Thought we were getting lunch?"

"I'm starving and if you think a few bloody berries will fill me you're crazy"

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my sweater by the door I felt Harry's hands grab my waist pulling me back.
"Did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"Maybe" I laugh

I felt my feet leave the ground. My body being carried towards the bedroom.

"Wait Harry I'm starving I wanna eat." I whined

He laughed dropping me onto the bed hovering over me. "Will you be a good girl?"

I bit my lip instead of answering he's eyebrows went up.

"Okay okay I'll be good."

He leaned down and kissed me. "Lucky you I'm starving as well." Before pulling me to stand up.

We drove out of dire to a little diner Harry and I visit frequently. I'm guess most dire members visit here due to it being the closeted restaurant. It wasn't anything fancy just your basic diner food.

We sat down looking at the menu.

"Are we going to pretend you're not getting the same thing as always?"Harry smiled from a cross the table

I look up squinting at him. "Maybe I'm switching it up today?"

"Yeah? What are you planning on ordering?"

I read the first thing that I saw "gyro"
Looking up at him.

Hmm he hummed. "Alright"

The waitress walked over I ordered the gyro then Harry ordered a plain cheeseburger and a side of fries.

the waitress walked away putting our orders in.

I looked at Harry confused "why did you order my order?"

He shrugged "felt like a burger"

"You never order it plain."

He snickered "felt like switching it up."

"You don't think I'm going to like the gyro?"

He put his hands up "I don't know what you're talking about. I just want a boring burger."

I rolled my eyes.

Our food was brought out.

I took a bite of the gyro my eyes flicked up to see Harry watching me with a smirk plastered on his face.

"Good?"he asked taking a bite of a fry

"Yep." Taking another bite. It was not good but I refuse to tell him.

Harry shrugged watching me. He took a big bite of the burger humming how good it is.

I rolled my eyes sipping my water. Annoyed he was right.

He smacked the water from me. "Roll your eyes at me one more time and I will bend you over this table and fuck the little brat out of you."

He gave me a stern look. Which I just nodded to him.

He looked down at my food then back up. "So you want to switch yet?"

I went to speak. And he smiled and said "don't be difficult love I can tell you don't like it."

"It's fine." I shrugged
He snatched my plate sliding the burger over to me.