Owned; sequel to Coveted

Yoongi

         I don't think I'll ever get used to being so weak. Everything hurts. Shuffling across the floor, I groan and try to catch my breath as I peak out the window. It's dark. God, I feel every bit my old age. Despite still being in a younger body, as a human inside, I feel 1000 years old.
I was not meant to be this weak. It's insulting to my very being. The vet core of myself wants to reject this. Pain has never bothered me before. I've never struggled and suffered more in my entire existence then now and I've been through a lot. This is the ultimate test of my love, I suppose. Baring this burden to save Jungkook, although worth it, is very very hard.
I realize it's not something just anyone could do. Nobody I know would have made the same choice as me. I accept I've acted out of the norm for my kind. Even Namjoon most likely could not do this for Hoseok. He would struggle and agonize over his choices but ultimately I know he would let his love go.
I honestly considered it.
And immediately rejected it.
The considered again.
It was the right choice.
I don't regret it. I don't care if no one else understands me. I think Jungkook and Jimin both understand me best and that's what's important. They are. They are my everything. I exist for them and they for me. A team. Lovers until the end.
A loud knock throws me out of my reverie and I flinch, glancing over to see Mark smiling hesitantly at me from the doorway. "Hey."
I frown down at my hands clenching the window seal a little too tightly. My fingers hurt as I release my death grip. "Hey."
Stepping inside, he closes the door and motions for me to get back in bed. I loathe the idea. I've rested far too much.
And yet as soon as I'm settled back down, all I want to do is sleep forever. Ugh.
His cold hand makes me jump as he checks my temperature. He clicks his tongue softly, going through the motions of a home nurse.
"I suppose I'm not dying now." I peak my eyes open to see him frowning, thinking. "What?"
"I'm a little concerned."
"About?"
"Many things. As all things go—you're healing all fine enough. Naturally slow for a human. It's normal." His frowns depends as he eyes the lacerations and bruises around my neck and other places. "It will take awhile to fully disappear."
"He didn't mean it."
"Of course he didn't." He shakes his head. "I'm not blaming him. I'm just concerned you're pushing yourself too hard. You've always been one to rush headfirst into battles alongside Namjoon and Jackson and Taehyung...but you can't keep that same mindset now. I'm the only other human here and I'm trying to warn you." His eyes tighten. "Jungkook is dangerous. He's out of control. He has no one to calm him or teach him. Jimin can't do it. He's no match to his vampire strength and wolf temperament. He will hurt himself if he gets involved. I'm concerned this whole arrangement isn't healthy."
"I get it—"
"No, you don't." He interrupts, his voice becoming slightly harsher. "You don't get it. You don't understand. You feel weak? That won't change. This is your new normal. You will never ever feel anywhere close to the way you did before. You will always feel weak and vulnerable. You will be weak and vulnerable. Everyone around you can hurt you anytime. A simple mistake will on their part will kill you. You think once you adjust, you'll feel better and get stronger but that's not the case."
His words make me angry. I glare at him. Open my mouth to defend myself and those around me...but I can't. Deep down I know he's not wrong and I can feel his real worry and concern for me. I don't want to snap at him. He is the only human around me. He knows more than anyone else here.
My shoulders slump and I take a deep breath. "Is that how you feel all the time? Have you talked to Jackson about that?"
He sighs. "I have but it doesn't matter. He can't change it just as you can't. It's just the reality. Even if Jungkook eventually learns to contain himself...he will lose it with you. It won't work. He loses his sense with you because you are his mate and he needs your blood. You can't recover fast like a hybrid. Their bodies adjust to the changes and change a bit to take it. Humans don't do that."
I ponder his words. "Doesn't Jackson feed from you?"
He nods. "But he's only one vampire and an old one at that. He was born not made. It's different. Jimin can't take it all—even if he could—as a threesome it's not ideal for your relationship even if that's best. You won't be able to not feel rejected and Jungkook will not be able to resist you for long. It's dangerous. You were lucky this time. I really think you need to be careful not to let this happen again. I can't put you back together if he rips you apart." He leaves me some pain meds and an IV drip before leaving me to my thoughts.
Where is everyone? It's been awhile since I've been alone for so long. Jungkook or Jimin is always around. Or Taehyung...
We all need to talk.
And I need to come to terms with my new reality, as Mark suggests. He's not wrong. I've just been avoiding it. The thought of never feeling any better than this...this sluggish and tired existence...is daunting.
The thought—no, reality—of me aging and dying as a true old man...leaving those behind that I love...I can't imagine it. Can't dwell on it too closely. It's too painful. Death has never scared me but leaving those behind I love...I don't want that.
An image of our kids flash through my mind and I feel tears fill my eyes. Would they even know who I am? Would they hate me for the choice I made? They don't deserve to see their father die like this. They aren't human. They will age very slowly like Jimin and Jungkook. Only I will be leaving one day.
It fucking sucks.