NOELLA

Chapter 73

     It's been about a week since my Allies arrived at the villa, we've spent the week training together and learning each others strengths and weaknesses. In a few hours we'll all be flying to New Zealand . The don , Byron has given us a base of operations and materials. His men and him will also be joining us on this mission. But I won't be interacting with him at any point .

     We still have three days until our mission date , yesterday afternoon my Long Island base was attacked , I lost three of my men and several of them were injured. Tobias was trying to lure me out of Mexico, thankfully my allies , the hellfire souls showed up and killed every Greek soldier that was there . After an interrogation, the souls were able to figure out the plan was to attack my Long Island base then head up and attack Garciaville and hurt my men's families.

       I'm very glad I kept my alliance with the souls on the down low, the minute my men were attacked they called the souls and they were there in minutes. It was very hard not to jump on a plane and be there with my men , but I know that's exactly what Tobias wants .

        He can't get into Mexico so he keeps trying to draw me out . He's still treating me like I'm the young kid he once knew , my dad trained me to be smarter , more patient and to think three steps ahead . The kid I once was , was impatient, stubborn and reactive . It took me years to unlearn these behaviors and at times I still struggle .

       Yesterday afternoon I finally sat down with Luka and told him about my past with Byron , he didn't say a word . He kept his face blank and just walked off to do some work . He's been distant ever since . I don't know what to do , I know I probably should have said something earlier about it .

      It's just I feel so guilty about what I did to Byron , I hurt him so badly that he never wants to speak to me ever again. I miss my friend , I should have never dated him . It's just he told me how he felt and I was so scared to loose him and I honestly hoped I'd feel the same after a while . I'm a shity person.

     Anyways I'm meeting with my security team for the villa , several of us are not coming to New Zealand and  I'd prefer if I didn't have to worry about them in the middle of a mission . " I'm ordering a complete lockdown , we'll stock up on food , and supply's but the second I leave the gates no one enters until I return . Am I understood!"  " yes Donna !" The hundreds of guards yell back at me .

     I walk back inside the house and am met with oldie , " are you sure I can't join you in this mission."  " oldie , you don't train anymore and you've been retired for like almost a decade . I need you here to look after everyone else." He nods and walks away , I know I probably hurt his pride but I'm not gonna risk losing another father to protect his pride .

    The people not coming on this mission is oldie  , mama Evie and her twins , all of the kids obviously, Elena , Luka's mom and dad, Selena ,Camille , Nessa and  Gisela . Again Luka's dad was not happy with my decision but I need the two former dons here incase shit goes horribly wrong and somehow the Greeks find entry in Mexico .

      Oh some good news , Javi and Camille  are engaged , the ring is beautiful . Camille cried for literally two hours straight , after Javi proposed. He was so concerned, but she assured him it was happy tears . I'm very happy for them both , they deserve to finally be happy . They even asked me to officiate their wedding , I said yes , I'm honored to do so .

      " cars are packed the Allies have started taking off at the airport already , everyone's loaded into the cars." Javi tells me as we stand in the entry way of the villa . " hey whats going on with Luka " " I told him about Byron yesterday, he hasn't  said a word to me since ."

     " you still feel guilty , Jesus Christ Noella . You hold on to guilt more than any emotion. You still feel guilty about Juan's death no matter how much we tell you not to , I bet you still feel guilty over pulling the plug on your dad despite his will directly ordering you to do so . You're going to crumble under the weight of guilt one day ." Javi shakes his head at me and walks away to the cars.

       I do feel guilty about pulling the plug on my dad , I never told anyone that . It just shows how easy it is for Javi to read me . I hate it , can't he just leave me to my own buried emotions. I walk over to the black suv holding my two older brothers and Lorenzo's fiancé Andreas the German mafia don . I climb into the passenger seat and silently give the order to  go .

     Apparently the three of them can pick up on my mood and decide a silent car ride is the safer option . I can't wait for all of this shit to be over , I hope Luka still wants to marry me . Who knows maybe I Fucked that up like fuck up everything else in my life . As we drive off I catch the eyes of Angel Delgado , Juan and Evie's youngest son and Alaïa twin brother. The only emotion I see in his eyes , hatred pure unbridled hatred .

      I'm the reason his father is dead , I pulled the plug on my father , I broke Byron's heart , I hurt Luka , Ivan is dead because I couldn't take being a toy to Galanis anymore , my son is dead because I couldn't protect him from my own body . I've ruined so many peoples lives . My fiancé didn't have his little brother anymore because I was selfish .

      Maybe everyone is better off without me , I wasn't made to be loved . I was made to be a weapon , and give Galanis and heir . I'm not love able . I'm a monster , I've killed innocent people because I couldn't stand up to Galanis . I'm a coward and know people will die on this mission to take down Galanis and it will once again be my fault .

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This chapter was manly to show how destructive Noella's mind can be at times . She tends to hold on to things mostly guilt and take responsibility for things that aren't her fault . She's stubborn .

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