NOELLA

Chapter 75

                          Luka Petrova POV

 
     We've been here in New Zealand for a few days now , I still haven't talked to Noella. I'm just ... I was so mad now I'm just hurt. I love Noella but I hate that most of what I learn about her and her past is always in the form of a bomb drop . She never tells me cause she wants to only when she's forced to .

     Just like when that shit with Marku started , she only told me about him cause he started sending gifts again . She always just expects me to just go with the flow , drop a bomb and just get over it . She was Fucking engaged! How the fuck do you not tell your fiancé that .

     The point is she would never have told me if we didn't need to use New Zealand as a base of operations. I can't just go into a marriage blind , I need to know everything about her . She knows everything about me . I know without a doubt she's hiding things from me about my little brother Ivan .

      I know for a fact she feels guilty , whether that is because of his death or because she had to leave his body behind , I don't know . But I feel like there are secrets about Ivan she refuses to tell me . Part of me is just angry with her but the reasonable part of me knows she's just trying to protect me .

    I'm siting in the room I grabbed for myself alone , it feels weird to be in the same place as her but not sleeping next to her . I think her nightmares are back , when I saw her during training she looked how she did when we met . Utterly exhausted and emotionless . Part of me feels guilty , the other part wants to punish her .

     I know that sounds terrible I feel like shit even if I think about it for a second , I'm just so hurt that I want her to feel half of what I feel . It's not mature at all , but it's honestly how I feel. My thoughts are disrupted my knocking at the door of the dorm room. .

    I open the door only to be pushed aside as my best friend and future brother in law Rocco and my future cousin in law Javi walks into the room . The duo sits down on the edge of my bed as I close the door and sit down at the desk. I sigh "What ?" .

    " my sister isn't perfect , she try's her hardest to change and grow with the help of therapy . But I think we all forget how much trauma she's sustained. She has never had a  moment of a normal childhood. She has lost so many people she cares about , hell she blamed herself for half of their deaths . She has had to build serious walls to protect herself .

     Sometimes she struggles bringing them down but with you she has succeeded  more than she failed . " before I could say anything Javi jumps in for his own speech, " the situation with Byron is something she feels very guilty about , she led him on and pretended to love him because she was so broken she thought it was impossible to love anyone else and she liked the feeling of being loved

     But she woke up one day and realized what she was doing was only hurting someone she cared about . She decided Byron deserved to be loved more than she did , so she let him go . Yeah she broke his fucking heart and lost one of her best friends but she thought it was what she deserved for hurting someone who was so good to her .

    To be honest I thought she'd never get into another relationship, after uncle Alejandro died she closed off completely from everyone even Diego and I . Everything was about work , about keeping us safe . There was times she was so afraid of losing us she'd face enemies all by herself.

     Diego and I eventually convinced her she needed us to have her back , she was getting better about it and then one day a social worker from LA called saying they found Maria's body . She met you and slowly she started becoming who she was before my uncle got sick . She's not perfect she makes mistakes but she's stubborn and protective .

      She believes she can take all the pain in the world either physically or emotionally to protect the people she cares about. She knows she's in the wrong here Luka , but you are too . If you want to actually marry her you can't do this shit . Pretending she doesn't exist , walking away without a word ? . Luka to make a relationship.....a MARRIAGE work you need to communicate. "

      I know they're right , I also know I want to marry her . I love her I'm just hurt , but I know for our relationship to work a can't just walk away when we have issues . That's never gonna fix anything . " you should also know , Noella's is very insecure . She hides it well but she's an over thinker when it comes to her emotions.

       She's also very pessimistic , to be honest she thinks you're gonna end the relationship and marry some girl with no baggage and have unproblematic children ." Javi says and I'm left shocked . Noa really thinks I'd leave her because she has so called "baggage", fuck ! I really fucked up , I need to talk to her . I get up and rush out of the room ignoring the two of them calling after me and head straight to Noa's room.

      I knock on the door a few times , and an exhausted Noa opens the door with a shocked look on her face
" Luka" she breaths out "we need to talk " her face drops shit , I should have phrased that better . We sit down on the better our back leaning against the headboard. " I'm hurt , I was mad but I'm hurt . I feel like you're constantly keeping secrets from me and I feel like I'm walking into our marriage blind .

      Noella I just can't do that , you know everything about me and I feel like I know only half .  I need you to tell me , let's start fresh tell me everything and we get to walk into our marriage with equality. No secrets and full support. I'm never gonna judge you , please if your trying to protect me or you think some thing you say will change how I feel , it won't I love you Noella faults and all .

    I also know I didn't handle this in the right way , I promise to work on that with you . I can't wait to marry you Noella but I need transparency." She sighs
" ok , I'll start from the beginning, my earliest memory is someone holding me and calling me Bambina and ......." Noella spends the next few hours going through every year of her life and giving so much detail . We both cried , we laughed and we grieved . I could tell at the end she looked lighter . I can't wait to marry this woman . 

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Ahhh! NOELLA has hit 100k !!!

Thank you all for reading

  We're almost finished with Noella's story !

I'm sad about it , this is my first book and I've loved writing her character !