Guarding Hearts | •J.B•

Forty.

-Kacey's POV-

I was up all that night. I couldn't and wouldn't sleep. There was just too much on my mind. As I watched the day turned into night,

All I did was cry.

All I could do was cry.

Trying to keep myself up, all I could do was die inside but everything reminded me of Justin. Hell even the room reminded me of Justin. All of our memories and everything.

Why me? How could Justin do this to me? I curled up into bed and hugged the pillow beside me. I felt...

Hmm.

I felt so empty. I felt worthless and all I wanted was a person who hurt me the worst. I wanted this feeling to go away so badly.

Getting out of bed, I walked to one of my drawers and grabbed a nightgown and panties. Closing it, I went to my bathroom and ran a shower. I stripped out of my clothes and got into the shower.

I let the warm water just hit me. I sighed in exhaustion. The water felt so good and made me sleepy a bit. I turned a bit and then let the water get into my hair a bit.

Grabbing my loofa and body wash, I poured a generous amount of it on the loofa and begin to wash myself. Once I was finished, I rinsed myself off and turned the water off, placing the loofa on the shower head.

I grabbed the towel that was by me and walked towards my room but a reflection caught my eye.

It was me and I couldn't even recognize my own reflection. I looked a mess.

My eyes were hollow with bags under my eyes. The color of my skin looked like it was flushed. My eyes looked black like they were never brown at all. Who was the person in the mirror?

Looking away in pain, I just went into my room and put on my clothes while lotioning myself and placing deodorant on.

Once I was done, I crawled back under the covers and buried myself in them. I head a knock on the door and I just ignored it, looking off into space. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now and I felt like it was Justin.

He knocked and knocked some more until after a few more minutes he gave up. I breathed a sigh of relief. Then I heard my bedroom door opened and I looked.

It wasn't Justin.

It was Mel and Kacey.

"Kacey."

The way Cookie said my name triggered something within me and I cried some more. They walked over towards me, got into bed with me and just held me.

"Kareem told Cookie and I what happened. I can't believe Justin would even stoop that low. How could he do something like that?"

I was wondering the same thing. "It hurts so fucking bad," I mummered. "I just want the feeling to go away."

"And it will. With time. It's going to get better baby girl and I promise you it will. Time heals everything," Cookie said.

She sounded like my mom when she said that. Can time really heal this? And if so, how much?

I didn't want to be a bitter old woman still dwelling on this. I couldn't even bear that thought. Me, at age 50, just bitter and depressed and taking my frustrations out on everybody and everything over something that happened over forty years ago.

"Kacey what happened to your rings?" Cookie asked me while grabbing my left hand, examining it.

"I don't want to talk about right now."

Cookie and Mel looked at each other. "Uhm, well okay. We'll stay here a bit to cheer you up. Do you want anything?" Mel asked me.

I shook my head no. I wasn't thinking about food right now. Nor did I crave it.

I craved him.

I wanted Justin.

I placed my hand over my stomach. What was I going to do? I had to think of something because I'm pretty sure these nine months were going to fly by...

And I didn't have much time.

Would I fake our marriage just for the sake of the twins?

Or would I do what I really just didn't want to do and just co-parent with Justin?

Fuck Justin! Why!

Like..

What were you thinking?!

We could have had it all... and then some. And the bad part about all of this is that I am pregnant.

And so utterly deeply in love with you. In so many ways that you couldn't possibly imagine. I don't even think I can say the same for you.

I felt my tears being wiped away and I looked to see who it was. It was Cookie of course. She hates to see people cry. I gave her a small smile.

I love my best friends and I don't know what I would do without them. Especially during this time anyways. "Kacey you know we can kill him if you want to. Y'know, make his death look like an accident. I have the perfect murder for this," Cookie said.

Mel smacked her lips. "Cookie will you please shut up. I knew you was going to think of some crazy ass shit like that anyways. God why did I tell her?"

"All I'm saying is I can kill him and I can get away with it because a) I'm just that smart and b) I'm in Ćenàla also known as my best friend's country. So even if I get caught, she can overturn my sentence and get me the hell out of there. So I win in both cases," Cookie said.

It was silent for a moment. I thought about what Cookie said and she was absolutely right.

"Cookie that was actually smart. I can't believe you said something intelligent," Mel said. I lightly laughed. "What? I'm being honest. I'm so proud of her."

"Oh haha. Very funny."

"Atleast I gave you a compliment."

"So but anyways Kacey when do you want this plan to be executed?" Cookie asked, batting her eyelashes at me.

~~~~~

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