My Thoughts On Paper

Thirty-Ninth Poem: Feel Wanted

It feels like so long ago

My Little Heart was full of hope

Now all I want to do

Is get away from you

So I can go home

And cry in peace

I told myself

That it wasn't real

But my heart was too stubborn

Now I'm hurting again

Maybe it's about time

I gave up

Stupid

Fat

Slut and whore

All of these I have been called

Life isn't getting

Any easier

So why am I still here

It really feels like so long ago

I was laughing

I was singing

You actually made me smile

It is not your fault

You were just being honest

I guess

But now

It's like

I can't stop crying

I believed your lies

That you actually cared

It's obvious you don't

I wanted to feel wanted

I wanted to feel loved

But here you are

Saying I won't be

I don't want to eat

I don't want to face you

You say you want to talk

But I can't type out a message

I type and erase

Type and erase

I wish I didn't say anything at all.

I'm ugly

I'm fat

But you knew that

You told me that

But so did I

So why does it hurt to breathe?

I don't keep secrets

I deal with my problems

Alone

I feel stupid for my chest hurting

I feel stupid for falling for you

You never cared

So why should I?

What was it?

Was it your laugh?

Was it your smile?

I don't know

That's all I can say

I tried too hard

I loved too much

I pushed and I pushed

You just shoved me away

Why did you lie?

Why did you tell me

Just to change your mind.

I wanted to leave

Keep my heart

It's broken anyway

I feel empty

I feel numb

I wanted to forget

But you were right there

And I couldn't stay away

You take my pain

And twist it harder

You don't mind saying my secrets

You don't mind hurting me.

You say you want to talk

But I can't type out a message

I type and erase

Type and erase

I wish I didn't say anything at all.

I'm ugly

I'm fat

But you knew that

You told me that

But so did I

So why does it hurt to breathe?

I believed your lies

That you actually cared

It's obvious you don't

GoodBye.