My Thoughts On Paper

Fiftieth Poem: Relationships Cycle

I go

Into relationships

Thinking they will be perfect

Thinking this is the one

Days go by

They only get annoying

I start seeing imperfections

I can't handle

How they see me

I can't handle how I am

So I quit

I stay

But I quit

I think

How am I gonna do it

How am I going to hurt them

Like I hurt myself

Every day

I say that I can't do it

So I let myself fall

Until I can't text them back

I cannot pick up the phone

I am in my own self-pity

I am running through the days

Hurting myself

As they smile at me

Like nothing is wrong

But everything is wrong

So I quit

I stop telling them I'm happy

My texts get shorter

Excuses why I can't see them

I am left with my own thoughts

The dangers of them

As I fall into the darkness

Of this relationship

They start to see

I am damaged

They start to see

I am unhappy

They ask what is wrong

So I ask them if they are happy

They say yes

And I am broken

So I deliver the final blow

Now I want them to text me

For I want to still be there

Now,

When I text

They do not answer

When I call

I get voicemail

Now I know what I put them through

Now I notice what I did wrong

But I leave them be

And I see another

And I start another

Just to go through the cycle

Over again