Until My Last Breath

Chapter 30

Rose's POV:
„Good morning lovebirds!" I hear someone say, shaking me lightly. „Hm?" I mumble, rubbing my tired eyes. „Do you wanna get out or is it comfortable there?"

I open my eyes to see Geoff grinning down at me, next to him Ava and Josiah with the same look on their faces. Oh great. Shawn tightenes his arms around me, probably still sleeping, causing my cheeks to turn bright red.

"How late is it?" I ask, trying to get out of the car by prying his hands off me. „2 am. We were really worried but I guess you two were okey." Geoff replies, nudging my arm as I managed to get out of Shawn's grip. I could hear him groaning and shuffling around before he gets out of the car too.

"Finally." he says, cracking his knuckles. God, why do people do that? Is that even healthy? „Why finally? You looked comfortable." Geoff laughs, as we walk towards their car. „I was." Shawn replies, winking at me. What was that now? I'm really going to have aggression issues with that idiot.

I can't believe I told him all that in the car. I didn't want him to know even more about me but it felt good to tell someone. Even if it was Shawn. The only problem is that I was again so weak in front of him... I don't know if that's a problem but I just hate being like that in front of people.

"I saw. Next time we'll leave you two alone. So who's hungry?" Geoff questions, as we get into the car, me sitting next to Shawn in the back. „I'm starving." I say and the others agree. That's how we end up at McDonald's in the middle of the night.

"We'll order. Just wait here." Geoff and Josiah say, leaving me and Shawn alone again. What is their mission? He has a girlfriend if they can't see. I awkwardly stare at my fingers, picking on the black nail polish which I really need I remove sometime. „Rose." Shawn says after a while, making me look up to him.

„Yeah?" „You know if you want to, I can act like yesterday never happened. I see that you aren't really fond if it that I know." He says, a slight smile on his lips. „Thanks." I reply, looking around the room.

At least there are no people. „But why?" „Why what?" „Why is it so hard for you to talk about it?" Shawn questions, his eyes meeting mine again. „Did you talk about it as you got bullied?" Shawn just shakes his head.

"At first not but it helped as I finally did. I thought maybe it would help you too." he shrugs. „I don't know. I don't like it when people know so much about me." I say, playing with the ends of my hair. It feels so weird to talk to him without bickering or saying mean things. I just don't know what to feel anymore.

Why do I feel so... save when he hugs me but the next minute I want to rip his head off sometimes. What does all that mean? Do I still hate him? Yeah... some days I do, some days I think I don't. God, why do I feel like that? „Rose?" Shawn ask, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Huh?"

"I said that things like that don't say anything about your personality. That's just what you've been through." „Let's talk about that again, when the whole world knows that you wanted to kill yourself." I say, biting the inner side of my cheek.

I don't know why I brought that up again but I can't stand it when he's acting like the most understanding person in the world. Like can't he just decide wether to be jerk or not. „I didn't mean-." „Can you please just leave it? Like you said, I don't like to talk about it. Not even Carter knows." I sigh, mentally cursing myself.
Why do I tell him so much?

"Your best friend doesn't know? Why?" Shawn questions frowning. „I don't want him to worry." „Wow, so there is something nice behind all your coldness." „Wow, there's something even more dumb behind your dumbness." I respond, rolling my eyes.

Shawn chuckles lightly before starting to tap his fingers against the table. „Can you guess that song too?" „Never give up by Sia?" „Perfect!" he smiles. I shake my head, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, looking if the others are finally coming.

Please just save me from talking to him alone. „Your turn..." he trails of at the end of his sentence, causing me to turn my head towards him.

His gaze is focused on my arm. Shit. I forgot to put on the bandage, didn't I? God, he literally knows more about me than my best friend. Why couldn't I be more careful? „Rose-." „Food is ready!" Geoff cheers, setting the plate in the middle of the table before taking a seat next to me, Josiah sitting with Shawn on the opposite from us.

"Thanks." I mumble, pulling my the sleeve of my hoodie down before taking a bite of my fries. "After this we should get back to the hotel. The flight to Milan takes off at 9pm. Oh and we got a cool studio there, where we can finish the new song." Geoff says.

"Good." Shawn replies absently. "Don't be so enthusiastic." Josiah laughs and I look up seeing that Shawn is still staring at me. Can't he mind his own business? His intense gaze sends shiver down my spine and I turn my head to the side, feeling kinda uncomfortable.

"And we have enough time for new pictures of you two. Your fanpages want new things to post." Josiah chuckles, biting into his burger.

"What about the photoshoot for the magazine?" Shawn asks, finally turning turning his head to look at Geoff. "Oh that... the model who should do the photoshoot with you got kinda sick." "What now? The shoot is tomorrow. How should we get another model in such a short time?" Shawn question and I could now feel Geoff's gaze on me.

Wait... "Well, Andrew suggested that we are just going to take Rose instead. You know... to keep that cute couple imagine." "Me?" I question, almost chocking on my fry. I'm definitely not going to do a photo shoot wich is going to be all over a magazine then.

"Yes. Is that okey with you?" Geoff asks, smiling. "Uh... I-I don't know. I don't think I'm the right person for that." I stutter. I'm not a model. I'm not perfect like them. As if they are not going to find someone else. "Oh come on Rose. You can definitely go through as a model." Geoff responds, nudging my side.

"Uh..." "I'll take that as yes. Alright let's get going." Geoff says, finishing his food before we head towards the car.

"I didn't say yes." I reply, walking after them. "Please Rose. We have too less time to find someone else. You did amazing at the shoot for the video, you are gonna do amazing tomorrow aswell." Josiah says, placing his arm around my shoulder to pull me into a side hug.

„Okey..." I murmur, not really convinced about
the situation. As we arrive at the hotel I quickly say goodnight before Shawn could attempt to walk after me. The whole car ride he tried to see my arm. I don't get what he wants. He knows that I'm hurting myself and then? Nothing.

So why does he suddenly try to know everything about me. Sighing I walk into the bathroom, to take my pills, after making sure these are the right ones this time.

Changing into something comfortable I plop onto my bed, opening the chats to see messages from Carter. I smile, feeling this warm feeling inside me. I'm so glad to have him.
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Carter: Hey princess! How is tour? Is the idiot still so nerve wrecking?
Carter: I just wanted to let you know that I miss you
Carter: I can't wait to see you again
Carter: Text me when you are free!
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I chuckle, typing a reply. People who don't know that we are best friends always think that we are together. I hope we don't start to ignore each other when he has girlfriend.

What no. I trust him. We are best friends and nothing can change that, like he always tells me. I completely forgot! He didn't call his crush the last time we were FaceTiming. I wonder who it is.
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You: Oh and I have to ask you something tomorrow!
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After clicking send I shut my phone off, placing it on the night stand next to me. I yawn, rubbing my eyes before turning the lights off. I'm kinda nervous for tomorrow. I know I already did that shoot for the video but pictures are different to me.

How do I pose? I hope they tell me because I have no clue what looks good. What if I have to wear something short sleeved? Shit. I need to cover the more visible scars. At least I don't have too many of them.

I shouldn't worry that much I just need to avoid Shawn as long as he doesn't give up. „Rose?" I suddenly hear, just as I was about to close my eyes. Wait...Shawn?

"Are you awake?" He asks, turning the doorknob but thank god that I locked it. "Rose?" I hear again as he knocks on the door. Can't he just go away?