Until My Last Breath

Chapter 83

Rose's POV:
"Maybe you could have told her about the possible symptoms! Is it that hard-" "Shawn." I warn, glaring at him before turning the attention back to the doctor.

"I understand your concern about Rose, Mr. Mendes but the medicine isn't the cause of the numb feeling of her fingers. It only triggered it because, like every other medication, it interferes with the hormones in the body." the doctor explains in attempt to calm Shawn down.

"See, no one could know that these are the symptoms." "Alright, I hope we cleared this up now. If you have any further questions you can contact me anytime." He says, shaking our hands before he heads out of the door.

A sigh leaves Shawn lips, being the only sound that breaks the suffocating silence between us. To not make it any weirder, I stand up from the white hospital bed, starting to slip on my jacket.

"Do you feel your fingers again?" Shawn questions, grabbing my hands gently while the pads of his thumbs run over my skin. "They feel a bit tingly but not numb anymore." I answer, slipping them out of his hands. Shawn just nods before his gaze meets mine.

I could tell that he is about to ask why I was acting like that earlier but honestly, if he still doesn't get it after the behavior of Camila tonight.... then I don't know how blind he actually is! „Let's go?" I ask, turning around.

I walk in front of him as we make our way to the car. I turn around to wait for him to unlock it to see him looking onto his phone again. He has done that like every ten minutes since we left the restaurant.

Skeptically, I watch him as he rounds the car, not seeming to notice anything around him. After he finally unlocked it, I sit into the passengers seat. "I have to make a call. I'll be right back." Shawn tells me, before walking a few steps away.

Trough the mirror in the middle, I could see him just listening o the person on the phone.

His eyebrows furrowed. Like two minutes later he opens his mouth for the first time. I can't make out at all what he says but according to the laughs and smiles at the end, I can guess who he is talking to. 'Or your jealous ass just makes everything worse than it is.'

My lovely inner voice comments, causing me to roll my eyes. Eventually he walks back to the car, sitting into the drivers seat next to me.

"What about we get milkshakes or something and drive around LA a bit?" Shawn asks, his eyes locking on mine. I quickly look out of the window, still not in the mood to talk to him. "Actually I'm really tired. Maybe another time?" "Sure." He sighs quietly, before starting the car.
.............................................................................

The clock strikes midnight, causing my heart to sink even deeper. I'm counting down the minutes for what feels like ages now. My mind continually jumps back to the night of the dinner, which was two weeks ago, and the fight we had afterwards.

I don't even remember how it started. We were both heated and mad at one another and I guess that one text from Camila gave me the rest. 'I need you right now... is it possible for you to come over?'

Something snapped inside of me as he actually told me that he has to look after Camila. She is going trough a rough time because of her wanting to split from the group, to do her own thing like she wanted to for so long.

It just kind of hurt that he was ready to leave me alone even though I had a panic attack and had to go to the hospital that day. I for sure know that most of the first fight is my fault but he took a big part in the second one.

I cried my eyes out, telling Carter everything but he tried to reassure me that I shouldn't give up that easily. A relationship comes with hard times but also good ones and so on...

However, a small argument turned into hurtful words being thrown at each other, resulting into Shawn storming off to Camila or wherever he was. He didn't come back that night.

Geoff told me he appeared drunk in the studio, also sleeping there, only to ignore me the next day because he "had some stuff to do." We still didn't make up since then... I guess no one is ready to make the first step or he doesn't even want to.

It's always been the same almost every night. Camila called that she needed help and Shawn quickly took the chance so he doesn't have to be in a room with me. He is distant for more than those two weeks now but I didn't think much of it.

I thought the making of the new album and the tour is just getting to him. I tried to help him relax but everytime I got near him, he started to become annoyed and I honestly don't have to put up with that.

Like Shawn was always the one telling me to open up to him and now that I want to be there for him he only gets irritated. Then why can't I just sleep without making up the worst scenarios where Shawn could be right now?

No wonder when he would get into a car accident or something because he has been coming back to the hotels drunk for like half of the past 14 days. After rubbing over my tired face, I close my tired eyes.

Another 30 minutes later, I could finally feel myself falling asleep but the closing of the door immediately wakes me up. I squint my eyes together as I switch on the lights, revealing a drunken Shawn stumbling into the room. Seriously?

Trying to contain my anger I bite down on my lower lip. Is he f*cking serious? My lovely boyfriend finally notices me sitting there and I swear I could see him rolling his eyes.

"What are you doing up?" he asks, slightly slurring. „I was worried." I reply. „I texted you that it will get late." „No you didn't." I say, standing up to hold him my phone in front of his face. He frowns for a short moment before shrugging his shoulders. „Seems like I didn't have a connection."

„Or you were to busy with something else huh?" I question more to myself than to Shawn but it definitely irritated him. „Honestly Rose, how many times did we discuss that the past weeks? I don't have the nerve for another round of you overreacting." He grumbles, slamming the bathroom door shut directly in front of me.

All at once, the anger I had inside me, turned into hurt and sadness. My mouth opens but I don't have the strength to yell at him now. A tear slips down my cheek, dropping to the floor followed by another and another one.

Quickly, I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie. Well... more like Shawn's hoodie. I pull it over my head before tossing it on his side of the bed and grabbing one of my t-shirts to wear.

Pressing my lips together to stop a sob from escaping me, I sit down on the bed. My arms wrapped around my knees. He is so different lately. Even the others are a bit taken a back by his sudden outbursts when something doesn't exactly go as planned.

At least that's what you can tell from their facial expressions. To be honest, I'm scared. I don't know Shawn for that long. Yes, we went trough quite a lot for the amount of time we spent together but... what if it all was too fast?

What if he isn't the person I thought he was? What if he already got tired of me? He hasn't said those three words anymore either. Maybe we were just meant to break and I'm only holding onto the sweet things he said.

Sniffling, I lay down with my back facing Shawn's side so he couldn't see me crying. I wouldn't even be surprised if didn't give a damn about it at the moment. I shrugs lightly as I hear the bathroom door open and close.

Shawn's footsteps nearing the bed before I could feel it dip down besides me. He turns the lights off, a exhausted sigh escaping him. For some moments I actually wait for him to place his arm around my waist and pull me close like he always did. Making me feel save... but no.

He doesn't. As I could hear his breath become steady I knew he fell asleep, so I turn around. I move a bit closer to him but instantly regret it as the smell of a woman's perfume fills my nose.

That's not mine... Tears threaten to well up in my eyes again but I harshly bite my inner cheek to stop them. Calm down Rose, a perfume doesn't mean anything. He could have been hugging some fans or something. Right?