Until My Last Breath

Chapter 49

Rose's POV:
Tiredly, I rub my eyes which are threatening to fall shut at any moment. But I don't want to fall asleep again. It's already the second time I wake up because of this damn nightmare tonight.

I can't sleep now... A quiet sob leaves my chapped, dry lips as I force myself to stand up, strolling into the bathroom since I already feel my head pounding again.

Sniffling, I grab the black box taking out one of the blades before sliding down the cool tiled wall. I lean my head against it, trying to focus on my breathing instead of the voices that are becoming louder by second.

Shut up." I whisper, pressing the palms of my hands against my ears but it's no use. I can literally hear laughter, how they are mocking me because they know I'm driving more and more crazy with every night that goes by.

With every nightmare and every memory. "Leave me alone." I whimper, curling into a ball with my forehead pressed against the floor. The pounding gets stronger and the voices louder... 

Desperately I smash my hands against the also tiled white floor next to my head. Will this ever stop? Another sob escapes me, hot tears slowly running down my already stained cheek as I sit up, placing the blade against my arm with a shaky hand.

The metal sinks into my skin and I feel the pressure in my head subside with every cut. Breathing out relieved, I watch the red liquid drop onto the white surface. The only noise being my occasionally slipping out sobs and light sniffles. Or maybe not the only noise.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion as I hear shouting in the room next to mine. Wait... that's Shawn's room. "No!" I hear again, causing me to stumble out of the bathroom, not caring about my red swollen eyes and bleeding arm.

I stop in front of his door, debating if it's a good idea to go in or not. What if there's someone in there? He would shout for help then right? 'You will definitely find out if you keeping standing there like a creep.' My inner voice mocks, so I push the door open.

Quietly I top toe into the room, seeing Shawn on his bed, eyes shut close tight, breath heavy as he moves around. I rush over, standing on the side of the bed.

„Shawn?" I ask, carefully touching his arm to wake him. His eyes immediately open and he looks at me puzzled, his chest heaving up and down rapidly. „Shawn. Are you okey?" I ask, as he sits up running a hand over his face, not giving me a single glance.

„Nightmare?" I question, softly still standing in front of his bed. Finally his head turns, his emotionless eyes meeting mine making me almost regret coming here. I step back and his eyes quickly soften. "What do you want?" He asks.

„I uh... I heard you screaming and I just thought I should look if you are okey." I say, feeling so intimidated as he stands up, a head taller than me. „I'm fine." Shawn replies, examining me like he has never seen me before.

His gaze wanders down my arms before looking up again. „What happened?" He questions, stroking with his thumb over my cheek, probably noticing my red eyes. „Nightmare." I shrug.

He nods, his fingertips slowly driving down  my right arm where he carefully takes my hand. „Let's clean this up." he says, pulling me along with him. I don't know why but I can't say anything so I just obey.  He seems so calm but the pain in his eyes as he woke up, is like burned into my mind.

Shawn gently pushes me down on the edge of the bathtub, turning to get something. He crouches down in front of me a wringed out towel in his one hand and and a bottle of disinfectant in his other. Wordlessly he grabs my arm, starting to carefully dab the blood off my skin.

The weird thing is that I don't care at all right now that he sees this. That he sees me like this. He makes me feel calm and that honestly scares me. What happened to not being able to stay in one room with him?

And I actually should still be mad because of earlier but right now I don't want anyone else to be here in front of me. I sigh, causing Shawn to look up. „Sorry." he says, thinking he hurt me.

I chuckle, not even understanding why but this situation is just funny. „What?" he questions, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. „Nothing." I murmur. Shawn shakes his head, a small smile adorning his lips.

„You are really the most weird person I ever met, Anderson." „Got a problem with that?" I ask, tilting my head. „Nope... I like weird." he responds, mumbling the last part but I could hear it. I decided not to ruin the moment, not saying anything as he wraps a bandage around the area with the cuts.

„Thanks." I cough, feeling strange to thank him for that. Shawn nods, his large warm hand still holding mine while I can't seem to pry my eyes away from his beautiful orbs. They don't seem cold anymore. „I should go." I say after what felt like an eternity.

He nods once again but doesn't move an inch and neither do I. „Or you could stay." Shawn whispers, grabbing my thighs before he lifts me up, standing with my legs around his torso and my arms draping around his neck so don't fall back. 

My breath hitches in surprise as he places me on the sink still holding me close. Why am I not moving? Do something Rose! Slap him, kick him or push him bit do something! As much as I'm cursing myself in my head, my body feels paralyzed but in a good way.

Shivers run down my back as Shawn moves his hand up my arm, before he cups my chin with his fingers. I watch as his head moves next to my ear, his fingers tugging strands of my hair behind my ear.

„You make me feel things I didn't want to feel for a long time, you know. But there's something about that makes it impossible for me to stay away from you." He whispers, slowly pulling back.

„Shawn." I mumble, not getting anything else out of my mouth. „Rose." he says, cupping my cheeks with his hands, inching closer to me. I was about to close my eyes as I realize what I'm doing.

He has a girlfriend. This is wrong. So wrong. „Shawn please stop. You have Grace." I whisper, slightly pushing against his chest. With one hand he grabs my wrists, to prevent me from pushing him away while the other stays on my flushed cheek.   He shakes his head causing me to frown.

„I broke up with her before the family dinner. I never loved her." He says, his eyes meeting mine once more before they close, closing the gap between us. My eyes immediately flutter close aswell, his plump lips moving softly against mine.

I sigh contently as my finger disappear in his luscious curls while his hands hold my waist. This feels even better than I thought. Yeah I fantasized about kissing him but come on, who doesn't. „I don't hate you." Shawn mumurs, into the kiss causing me to smile slightly.

I pull back just a bit to see his eyes, my thumb grazing his bottom lip. „I don't hate you either." I reply, making him return the smile, quickly pulling my head towards his again, his addicting lips on mine once more.

„Stay?" he asks, catching his breath. I nod, letting out a squeak as he quietly lifts me up almost stumbling towards his bed. „Watch were you are going." I laugh, as he drops me on the bed.

„Sorry I was too distracted from the pretty girl in my arms." he grins, hovering above me with his hands holding him up, one on each side of me. My stomach starts to feel tingly as he ducks his head down, placing soft short kisses along my from my collar bone up to under my ear.

We continue to kiss for a long while and I can't get enough of this feeling but I'm about to pass out any moment, so I pull back Shawn following with his head. I push him back once more and he frowns, licking his lips.

„What's wrong?" „I'm tired." I yawn, turning onto my side, leaving Shawn puzzled. „Now?" he asks. „Mhm. Goodnight." I say, trying to hide a smile.

„But..." „No. I'll sleep now and you should too." Shawn sighs, the bed dipping besides me as he lies down behind my back. I turn around, to find him watching me with his arm behind his head. „Shawn?"

„We don't have to talk now. Come here. I don't want you to have another nightmare." He whispers, so I move closer placing my head on his warm chest, his arm wrapping around my back. „Goodnight, Rosie."

I hit him on the stomach, which makes him chuckle and that adorable sound is the last thing I hear before finally falling asleep peacefully.