Until My Last Breath

Chapter 45

Rose's POV:
Before Shawn could even open his mouth I speak. „What? Why do you seem surprised?" I ask, chuckling drily.

He stares into my eyes for a while and I can't seem to break the eye contact. His eyes can be so captivating and warm... maybe brown is my new favorite color.

„Ahh." I flinch, attempting to pull my arm away but Shawn has a strong grip on it. „Hold still. It will only hurt a few seconds." he says, gently massaging the cream onto the burned skin. I'm just glad that it isn't worse.

"You lied as you said that you had burned your arm last time, right?" Shawn questions, after a while of silence. „Does it matter?" I ask. He sighs, putting the cream and the rest of the bandage besides me.

"Why are you doing that?" „What do you want Shawn?" I snap, feeling anger build up in me. I don't even know why but it's just happening. „I want to know why hurting yourself should help? How does it help?" Shawn questions, his voice raised.

"Because the pounding in my head doesn't stop until I do it! You don't even know how real these nightmares are for me. You think they are over when I wake up but let me tell you something!" I reply, standing up. „As soon as I open my eyes they actually just start.

Everyday again and if you have to go through that for months, knowing that the voices won't stop until you take that damn blade, you  give in." I add angrily, pulling the sleeve down. It probably sounds crazy what I'm saying but to me it makes sense, and only for me.

"What? No comment on how stupid it is anymore?" I ask, watching as he stands there saying nothing. „Good. Then please stop trying to understand your ex girlfriend through me. Everyone has different reasons and everyone is able to handle less or more amount of pain. I'm not like her. So please stop." I add, before turning around to open the door.

As I try to pull it open, it doesn't move an inch. Shawn has his hand on the door, preventing me from going. „What now?" I question, quietly. „I know that you are not like her." Shawn says, standing pretty near which caused me to turn around.

"You are not at all like her." he whispers, placing his hand next to me so I couldn't just walk away. „Then what do you want from me?" I question, trying not to show him that his near has an effect on me.

"So you want to know what I want?" Shawn asks, twirling a shorter strand of hair between his fingers, his fingertips brushing against my cheek. „No Sherlock! I just asked for fun." I mutter. This stupid adorable grin creeps onto Shawn's lips, making me even more annoyed. He still thinks he can do what he wants!

"What if what I want isn't what you want?" „What are yo talking about?" „I want to know if Geoff was right." Shawn whispers more to himself than to me, biting is lower lip. „What? Why Geoff?" I question, pressing my back against the door to create some space but Shawn keeps inching closer.

"Shawn or Rose? Are you in there?" We suddenly hear, causing Shawn to step away. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding as I see Aaliyah standing there.

"Mom said I should make sure that you are okey." She says, eyeing us skeptically. Oh great. She doesn't believe us, right? "I'm good, thanks." I reply, my voice higher than expected. "Yeah we are fine but I think we will leave. It's late and we are still tired from the flight." Shawn adds, taking my hand.

"Oh are you going to Grace after Rose fell asleep?" Aaliyah asks, raising her eyebrow. "I already told you that her little sister's name is Grace too and she wanted me to save her with a heart. Right hunny?" Shawn asks, looking down at me.

"Yeah that's true. Don't worry Aaliyah." I answer, chuckling slightly. „You are going already?" „Yeah the flight will also leave in about an hour. Andrew said that we have to take the earlier one." Shawn replies, pulling me with him past Aaliyah and down  the stairs.