Until My Last Breath

Chapter 42

Rose's POV:
I look at her, not knowing who she means. I have a name in my head but no... he wouldn't.

„Oh come on don't play stupid. Or are there so many options which I don't know about? Huh?" Ava teases, nudging my arm.

"Uh... maybe Geoff? We talked a lot lately." I say, playing with the end of the blanket. „The others are coming but come on Rose! It's Shawn!" she sighs, throwing her hands in the air.

"How do you know he was here all the time? He probably just came or something." I mumble. „I know because I was here too all the time. No need to thank me. Oh and he's still sleeping."

"Actually I just want to be alone right now." I say, looking at Ava. „I just want to be here for you Rose." „I know and thank you for that but please just go to the hotel and sleep or something I'm sure you are tired." She looks at me worriedly, debating if she should give in or not but as I sigh she takes it as a signal to go.

„Promise to call me when you need me?" she asks, wrapping her arms around me once again. „Sure." I reply, taking the pillow away from my back so I can lie down.

"I'll call you later. We won't let you alone in Portugal." Ava says, chuckling lightly before walking towards the door. „What about-." „Tell him to go." I say, closing my eyes. I don't want anyone but Carter here right now.

"Okey. See you then." she responds. Opening my eyes again I look up to the ceiling. Chills run down my spine causing goosebumps to arise on my arms as I listen to the steady beep sound of the heart monitor.

I watch the lines appear and disappear over and over again. As I asked him hoe much time I have left he shortly avoided my gaze. I noticed that all the doctors do that when they tell you bad news. Do that means I probably have a few months.

He just didn't want to tell me so I don't get scared. All these years I've never thought about being scared of the moment my heart won't work but now... I don't know why I suddenly feel different.... Maybe because normally Carter would be here now, rambling about how he's not going to let anything happen to me.

I surely know that he doesn't have control about anything that is gonna happen to me but it calmed me down somehow. I look to my right to see that my phone is laying on a little beside table.

I slowly lift my arm reaching over to grab it. Even that simple move is exhausting. Once I got it I click onto his contact, pressing the phone to my ear. I wait a few rings, praying to hear his voice soon but he doesn't pick up.

Maybe he's at work... I text him to call me back before placing the phone on the table. I grip the sheets, pressing my eyes shut as I feel the tears well up. Oh come on. I'm not going to cry now. I suck in a deep breath blinking until the tears vanish again. I've never cried because of my disease before so I'm not gonna start now.

Why can't Carter pick up? I'm starting to overthink again. My thoughts get interrupted as the door opens, a curly brown head sticks trough the gap before the rest of his body appears too.

What about telling him to go did Ava not understand? I quietly sigh, watching as he comes nearer smiling lightly. „You are awake." No! I'm just sitting her with my eyes open because that's how I sleep all the time.

I bite my tounge to keep the comment in. Looks like he has no clue what me fainting actually meant. „Yeah." I say. Shawn nods, sitting down on the chair besides me. „Ava told me that I should go but can I please talk to you for a second?"

"The second is over." I reply, closing my eyes. „Rose... please." he says softly, placing his hands over mine and I let him. I don't know why I just don't feel the need to push it away. „Why did you stay the whole night?" I ask, opening my eyes just a bit to see him biting his bottom lip.

"Uh... because... it's my fault." Shawn sighs, starting to move his thumb over the back of my hand in small circles. „What?" „It's my fault. I probably stressed you too much. You already were annoyed yesterday and I only added to it."

I chuckle, making him look into my eyes surprised. „That's not funny. You are in the hospital because of me." Shawn says and I actually find it funny how serious he means it.

„Shawn it's not your fault. If it was about you annoying me than I would have been in the hospital the past three weeks." I reply.

"Are you okey?" He asks, stroking a strand of my hair behind my ear. I meet his intense gaze once again and can't help but get lost in his honey colored eyes. For the second time they look everything other than cold. They seem so... I nod, turning my head away from him.

„As okey as you can be with a heart disease." „What did the doctor say?" Shawn asks, sitting on the edge of the bed making me look at him again. „Nothing much. I shouldn't do anything stressful and so on..." I mumble.

Why should I tell him? It doesn't matter anyways. I'll maybe tell Andrew so he knows that I don't have all the time in the world to search for Nathan.

„Yeah but what was it? Your heart stopped beating for a few seconds. You scared me..." He says, clearing his throat after saying the last words.

"Aww, the Shawn Mendes can't say something caring without becoming uncomfortable." I tease, trying to distract him. „You scared me. Happy now?" he asks, rolling his eyes. I nod, watching him with raised eyebrows.

"You know, Aaliyah and mom can't wait to see you again aaaand the rest of my family is excited to get to know you." "I'm so famous." I say, trying to smile. "You just looked like you are gonna throw up. Don't worry they are maybe a bit weird but not that bad." Shawn chuckles.

"Oh no I'm just lazy to smile." I reply shrugging. "And as longs as they are not like you it's fine." I add, noticing that his hand is still holding mine. I frown, debating if I should take my hand away but it comforts me in some way...

Shawn just smiles, following his thumb, which is still stroking my hand, with his eyes. That's still wrong. "I don't think your girlfriend would like that." I say, slipping my hand out of his.

"Why do you care?" Shawn asks. "I just do." "That's not an answer." "Not everything has to have a reason." I say. "Why do you always remember what I say?" Shawn questions, shaking his head amused. "I just do." I reply, sticking my tounge out.

"You are something else." "Wow. You still need to work on compliments." I huff. "Who said it was a compliment?" Shawn questions grinning. Why does that look so cute? Did I just say cute... to Shawn... Oh my god.

"Jerk." I mumble. "So... I guess I'm not getting anything out of you anymore about what the doctor said?" "I'm alive. That's the only thing you have to know." I whisper, yawing as I feel the sleepiness take over.

I hear Shawn sigh, before he places the blanket over my upper body. I feel him lean down so I open my eyes again. "You can go now." I say. "Goodnight you annoying brat." Shawn chuckles, winking before he presses a kiss to my forehead.

I swallow, biting my inner cheek so I don't slap him. God why does he confuse me like that. He slowly stands straight again and I unintentionally look over to the door seeing Geoff and Josiah making kiss faces.

Did they just see that? Great. "Goodnight." I murmur and I could see the surprised expression on his face since I didn't make a comeback but I just have other problems than this boy in front of me right now.