Until My Last Breath

Chapter 114

Shawn's POV:
„Rose?" I call out before pushing the bathroom door open, already expecting a horrible sight to wait for me.

It feels like my heart beats out of my as I let my eyes wander around the room, noticing that she isn't here either. „But how..." I mumble,   before I see that the wind opened the window which knocked over the shampoo bottle that is lying on the floor now.

As fast as the relieved feeling washed over me, it fades again, making me realize that she is not in the apartment.

Quickly, I rush over to the door to see that her jacket and shoes aren't there were they are supposed to be. Why the hell would she leave?

Fear rushes through my body as I can't stop my mind from wrapping around this awful thought of why she might be gone... Her best friend is dead. He meant everything to her, so it could be... no. She wouldn't do that to me, right?

But... what else is she doing? Meeting Ava maybe? Then she would have left me a note or anything. Hastily, I jog into the kitchen to grab my phone and dial her number. With every ring that passes, my chest starts to feel tighter and tighter. Like I won't be able to breath anymore.

„Come on." I mutter, calling her again but just like the first time, without success. „Damn it!" I curse, throwing my phone onto the couch and running my hand through my hair in frustration.

Exhaling deeply, I close my eyes while trying not to overreact but... why would she suddenly go outside when she didn't even leave the bedroom the past two weeks? Something is wrong... I have to look for her.

Grabbing my phone and my car keys, I quickly put on my shoes before leaving through the door.

Rose's POV:
Wiping away the tears that won't stop rolling down my cheeks, I stroll down the hallway to our apartment. I wish I could just stop crying all the time but everytime I try to tell myself that someday it's going to be okey again, I'm being hit by the reality that I'm never gonna see him again.

Never in my whole life, and the fact that for me, seconds go by like minutes and minutes go by like hours lately... never is a pretty long time. I just feel so numb and all I want is to go back in time and just try harder to fight against her.

Or I would just decide not to be so dumb and believe that stupid message. It hurts so f*cking much that he let his life for me. I wasn't the best friend Carter deserved but he always took care of me. No matter what. He was everything, I could've ever ask for in a friend.

What really rips me to pieces is that I won't ever have the chance to thank him for sticking by my side. To thank him for making my life bearable when I didn't see a purpose in standing up every morning anymore. I wish that I could hug him one more time and say goodbye.

Now it's too late... and that's why I can't seem to get out of this black hole I'm in. I know pretty well that I'm hurting the person who just wants to be there for me but I can't help that everytime he tries to hug or comfort me, I wish that it was Carter. And no, I didn't suddenly realize that I love Carter more than a friend.

I just miss the old times more than anything but I know that it's not fair, to push him away like that. Shawn does everything to make me talk to him and I just yell at him and cause unnecessary fights, making him think I blame it on him. I would never.

Something would have happened sooner or later with that psycho watching me. I'm pulled out of my thoughts as I realize that I'm standing in front of our apartment door.

Hesitantly, I  search for my key in my pocket. I have to apologize to him. Shawn doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

After taking a deep breath, I lift my hand to unlock it but just as I was about to do that, the door is being pulled open, revealing a concerned looking Shawn.

For a short moment, he just stares at me in shock before he steps forward to wrap his arms around me. For the first time in two weeks, I let him.

I'm not really sure why I didn't want anyone near me for a while. I guess, I wanted some time alone but I know that the way I acted was wrong. It hurt him and I surely didn't want that.

Taking in his familiar scent, I bury my head into his warm chest while my arms snake loosely around his torso. "Oh my god." Shawn breaths out, pulling away to cup my cheeks. "You are okey." He mumbles, examining me from my top to the bottom.

„I was just at the graveyard, bringing him fresh flowers." I explain, reaching up to place my hand over his one but before I could touch it, he steps back.

„And you didn't think it wasn't necessary to tell me where the hell you are?" Shawn asks, his voice raised in anger. A bit taken aback by his sudden mood change, I open my mouth to answer but no words are coming out.

„Of course not. Am I right? I mean, why would you tell you boyfriend were you are? You are only seven months pregnant. No big deal!" He points out, chuckling sarcastically.

„Can you stop shouting please? I-"

„I should stop shouting? So I'm not allowed to do what you have done to me, 90 percent of the time the past weeks?" Shawn asks, his eyes piercing into mine in an intimidating way but I'm not backing down now.

I could already feel the anger bubble up inside of me while Shawn loudly tells me what I've done wrong the past days. I surely know that I wasn't the nicest girlfriend but that's no excuse to yell at me like that.

„You are going through a really rough time right now. I get that, Rose. But you know what? I'm so sick of it! No matter what I do to make you feel at least a little better, is wrong! I'm so done with trying to be there for you when you don't even let me be two steps next to you without being yelled at.

And what tops it all off, you don't even care that you are carrying a little human life inside of you. You eat and sleep way to less and suddenly you decide it's okey to walk around at night, completely alone! You probably wouldn't even mind if it was a stillbirth! I'm so tired of looking after your depressed self all day.

You do nothing but hurt the people who care about you, until they leave!" He shouts, his chest heaving up and down and his jaw clenched tightly.

A few moments it's just silent and he stares at me with wide eyes while he realizes what he just said. Tears roll down my cheeks as I keep my gaze on the floor, unable to move or to say anything. I couldn't care less that he sees me cry right now...

His words hurt like someone literally breaks my already shattered heart to even smaller pieces till they are not able to be put back together anymore. "Rose..." I hear him whisper, a shaky breath leaving his lips. Wiping my cheeks, I look up to meet his glossy eyes.

„Don't. I get it. I'm always the bad one anyways. Of course I have to be fine after the hell I've gone through in my life. How could I expect that I was allowed not to be okey?" I say with an emotionless expression to prevent myself from breaking down on the spot.

A tear falls from his eye and I hate that the smallest part of me just wants to hug Shawn and tell him, that it's alright when it's definitely not.

Without giving him another glance, I walk past him, heading into our bedroom. As soon as the door falls shut behind me, I can't hold the sobs back anymore.