Until My Last Breath

Chapter 69

Rose's POV:
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Shawn: Rose please let me explain it to you. I had reason not to tell you.
Shawn: Don't do this now, please
Shawn: Tell me where the hell you are
Shawn: It's starting to storm and I'm f*cking worried so I beg you, tell me where you are
Shawn: Baby please...
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I turn my ringtone off, ignoring the multiple messages from Shawn. He can't seriously expect me to answer now. Pulling my legs close to me, I sit on Carters bed waiting for him to return.

I rub the sleeves of my hoodie over my tear stained cheeks. I cried so much the past hour that it feels like there are no tears in me anymore even though I want nothing more to continue crying.

A shaky breath leaves my lips as I rest my aching head on top of my knees, the pain getting worse. What hurts the most is just the fact that I trusted him. It was not easy for me to let him in but I still did because he made me feel okey.

I was so sure that he was finally someone who wouldn't do anything behind my back but he did. If he has a reason then why didn't he explain it to me? I would have understood but instead he just let me think that my brother might be dead or doesn't ever want to see me again.

Maybe that's the reason... but he looked so guilty as our eyes locked. It was crazy how I wanted to slap and hug him at the same time. I missed him so damn much and now I don't even know if I want to see him. He knew where I am. Ava knew too.

I mean... I guess because he said her name and that makes her to another person who stabbed me in my back. Everyone I let near me ends up hurting me. Even Carter but I'm still here because if I knew if I wouldn't have run to him, I would be standing at the edge of the bridge once again.

Just that this time no one would come to stop me. It's so hard to describe. I feel empty but I still have a little voice in me that screams not to do it. As much as I hate to say it, that voice has been there since I starter falling for Shawn.

My thoughts get interrupted as the door cracks open. "Hey." Carter says, as he walks in with a tray, two cups on top. "I even put whipped cream on it." He adds, sitting down next to me after handing me a cup of hot chocolate.

I try to smile but it probably looked like a dear who just got hit by a car. "Thanks." I mumble, looking down at it. "Do you want something else?" "No... it's just that I'm going to throw up if I drink or eat anything now." I sigh, setting the mug on the bedside table.

A single tear slips down my cheek but I bite my lip harshly, preventing me from crying. "I have to tell you something. Please just listen." Carter says, his hand slowly finding the top of mine but I automatically pull it away. I saw hurt flash across his face as he moves a little away from me to give me space and I decide to just not say anything.

"Okey... I know that the reason you are here right now is, that I was the only one you could run to at the moment. You still didn't forgive me and I understand that." "Carter-" "No please just me talk." He pleads, his captivating green eyes meeting mine. I nod.

„What I said was hurtful. Rose, I would never get tired of you. You mean the world to me and I honestly am so sorry. You trusted me and I  was just being selfish. Yes, I love you more than you will ever love me but I miss you. I miss my best friend. I would give you all the time in the world and I would do everything to get you back. Please... Rose." He says, his voice cracking at the end, making me feel so bad.

"It's just that everyone I trust is hurting me Carter. Others would probably think I am overreacting and maybe I am but it's just hard if the people I hold on to the most do that." "I know..." A sigh leaves his lips and I could see a tear escaping his eye. I've only seen him cry twice in my whole life.

"Carter." I whisper and without thinking I wrap my arms around him. "I honestly couldn't care less right now. But why did you never call me?" "I just... I thought about calling you so often but I just sat there, having the sentence that you hate me on repeat. I should have called but I was too much of a coward." He answers, his hand lightly rubbing my back which makes me feel more comfortable immediately.