Until My Last Breath

Chapter 85

Rose's POV:
"I uh... Rose. I don't... I just don't know know... It's so complicated." Shawn exhales deeply, his hands tugging on strands of his hair, before he looks up to me again.

I can't help but let some tears roll over my cheek, nodding lightly. "Rose, please don't cry, it's not like I'm breaking up with you... I mean, I..."

„Then answer me... do you still love her?" I ask, quietly. I could see how confused and broken he is but I just need this answer. I can't go on like nothing happened if I don't know wether he loves someone else or not.

„I can't..." he stops as his voice cracks. The eyes I fell in love with, closing for a brief moment until they lock with mine. "I can't answer. I'm so sorry. I thought I would never see her again, you know?" Shawn replies, reaching forward to grab my hand but I move it away.

I just nod once again, before standing up. I need to get away from here. "W-What are you doing?" Shawn questions, rising from his seat aswell. I just shake my head. I have so much to say but nothing comes out of my mouth.

Am I supposed to just wait till he decides if he loves her? He can't expect that from me. "What do you want me to do now Shawn? Wait till I know who your choose? You honestly can't ask for something like that." I point out, not even trying to hide my tears anymore.

His mouth opens but he just stands there, not saying a single word. That's probably the sign for me to leave. As soon as I turn around I hear a sob escaping him, making me stop in my tracks. Don't. Don't turn around now Rose. It will only make you stay and I know damn well that it would break me completely if I let him control me like that.

„Rose." I hear him croak out, making my heart clench at the sound of his soft cries. "Please don't leave m-me." 'You are going to regret it.' Echos trough my head and even though the voices were actually always right, I don't have the strength to walk away.

Sighing, I turn around, slowly approaching his shaking body, kneeling on the wooden floor with his head in his hands. 'He is going to break you.' I hear but I just shut them out, knowing I don't have the heart to leave him.

I understand that it was a traumatic experience for him... but I don't want to be his second choice. Still, I'm here, crouching down next to him to wrap my arms around him soothingly.

Immediately, Shawn grabs me, placing me on top of his lap to pull me as close as possible. His head is in the crook of my neck while his strong arms hold me tightly.

Even though he is holding me right now, I can't shake off the feeling that he wishes it was her instead of me. "Stay with me, please. I can't let you go another time." He whispers, a quiet sob racking his body every now and then.

Staring at the sunset, I say nothing. He can't let me go now but then what if he decides that he wants her back? It's easy gor him because either way he has someone.

Me on the other hand would loose the person that makes me feel alive. The one that makes me want to live.

„Rose? I know it's much to ask for but please don't go. I'm just more than confused and I need time to think. You have me and you are always gonna have me, remember?" Shawn asks, pulling back so he can look at me.

Silently, I gaze into his eyes, twirling a strand of his chocolate brown hair around my fingers. I know that he will be there for me but I maybe don't have him like that anymore soon and I don't think I would be able to survive that. Literally.

„You are breaking my heart right now and expect me to be okey with it?" I question, my eyes falling onto the necklace he recently started to wear. My fingers trace over the carving as a light chuckle leave my lips. „You know what the sad thing is?"