Until My Last Breath

Chapter 73

Shawn's POV:
Sighing, I look at the clock noticing that I only have half an hour left till we have to leave. The next plane would be in the afternoon tomorrow but the I could never make it to the venue in time, so I have to take this one.

My foot bounces nervously up and down as I stare at the door, like I did for the past hour. She has to come here. She just has to. My mind starts racing as I watch the door handle being pressed, causing me to immediately jump onto my feet.

"Shawn? It's time." I hear the voice I certainly don't want to hear now as Andrew pokes his head trough the door. "I still have 26 minutes." I state, my shoulders slouching as I sit back down.

"Don't you think she would have come a bit earlier if she wanted to join, Shawn?" Andrew asks, letting out a sigh. "You know we can fly her to us whenever she wants. That doesn't have to be now."

"I could never persuade her over the phone. She would just ignore me. So no, we'll... I'll be at the car in 23 minutes." I reply, shaking my head.

Andrew hesitates for a moment, probably wanting to tell me that she won't come but then just decides to leave the room, knowing he can't say anything that makes me change my mind.

I rest my elbows on my knees, my head rubbing once over my tired eyes. I couldn't sleep the whole night. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw her leaving and as I reached for her she fades into thin air.

I can't let her slip trough my fingers. I don't know what she does to me but it feels more right than anything. She did it in such a short time and I still became addicted.

I became addicted to the way she genuinely smiles, the way she would run her small fingers trough my hair in the morning, how she tries so hard to be better at playing guitar, biting her li as she does so.

I even became addicted to the way she mocks me until I could rip her head off. Not literally though. Maybe it's crazy. We don't know each other for that long but I know that I wann fight for this.

I want to make her realize that she can trust me and that I will be the shoulder she can cry on whenever she needs to.

I know that I lied but it was to keep her save and I have to make her understand that. We haven't have the beat start but we are going to have a perfect time together and I will make sure of that.

My gaze wanders to the clock in the hotel room again and I could feel my heart sink further by every minute that passes. 15 minutes.... Maybe there's a lot of traffic.

The hotel is in the middle of the city so it's probably that. But she could have texted... no, no she wants to freak me out by acting like she doesn't come. That's probably her payback and it definitely works.

My hands start to get sweaty and my I could literally hear every tick of the clock, making me feel numb. Something feels off.

I stand up to walk towards the tiny balcony where nothing but a slim table and two black metal chairs with embellishments on them fit. Rose told me once that she prefers things like that over large modern furniture where almost everything is white and shiny.

I could picture us here in the morning while eating breakfast, the sun rising in front of us.
She would love it. My daydream pops as I look back, my heart racing as I see that I have to leave in five minutes.

"No, no,no." I mumble, fishing my phone out of the pocket of my jeans jacket. Should I text her? No I... I told Rose to come if she wants. But she isn't here! Oh f*ck it. I have this weird feeling... or is it just my mind which is not accepting that she might not show up here?

I open our chat debating on what to write but I let my hands sink as I notice that it's no use. She would have informed me by now if she was stuck in traffic or something.

For the next two minutes I watch the the time go by seconds by second, refusing o believe that she won't show up. The pointer strikes seven and in the same moment I could feel my heart drop completely. Rose isn't here.

For a few more moments I just stare at the ground, not knowing how to feel. Does that mean we broke up? Or that she just wants a break? My phone vibrates and I lift it into my sight, seeing that I got a message from Andrew to hurry because everyone but Geoff who drives me is already at the airport.

I click onto the chat of me and Rose once again to check if she saw it. She has left me on read. Well, now I have my answer.

Absently I shove my phone back into my pocket, gathering my backpack before heading out of the hotel room down into the lobby. She would have texted if this is just a break. Or?

Maybe she has something to do and calls me later. I shake my head trying to stop my mind from searching any kind if excuses but the truth is there is none. Honestly, I already expected it.

The way she looked at me yesterday night... I never wanted her to look at me like that. I don't even know if her eyes were full of hate or sadness.

Probably both... and just because of me. As I step out of the building, the fresh cool night air fills my nose as I let my eyes wander over the cars until I spot Geoff. He smiles lightly as I approach him but the smile soon drops when he sees that I'm coming alone.

"Shawn-" He starts but I only walk past him, not wanting to hear any of the 'Give her time, then she will come back'. I don't think they know how much this actually meant to her. They don't get how much it hurt her.

I set my stuff into the backseats before opening the front car door, sitting down in the drivers seat. "Are you sure that you want to drive? You must be tired." Geoff asks, as he slides in next to me.

I nod my head, starting the engine. I could feel him watching me skeptically for a little while but he knows that it's better to keep quiet now. My knuckles turn white as I try my best not to drive over the speeding limit, anger slowly replacing the empty feeling.

"I should have told her' I keep this sentence replaying in my head which only makes my blood boil more. I'm such a f*cking idiot. The car ride is filled with complete silence and I'm glad for that.

I would just lash out on anyone who asks me something now even though I know it's not anyone's fault but mine. Once we arrive at the airport, I force a small smile for the fans waiting outside while taking pictures before we head towards the others.

I could feel all of their eyes on me but I ignore it. Can't they mind their own business or is my love life that interesting? To make sure they leave me alone I put headphones in, blasting my favorite John Mayer song as loud as possible.

Attempting to block out my haunting thoughts and this tense feeling that something isn't right.

Yeah of course something isn't right. Rose is not here with me where she belongs to. „Shawn." I hear but I don't give the voice any attention, believing it's just my mind playing tricks on me. „Shawn!" I hear again.

It sounds so much like her. Am I going insane already? „Shawn? Over here!" I put my headphones out to hear the voice clearer.

„Shawn?" That can't be. My heart rate goes up immediately as I turn around meeting brown eyes but not the ones I was hoping for. The blue part and warmth in them is missing.

„Hello?" the girl asks and I realize I have been staring at her wordlessly. „Uh, oh yeah. Sorry, what did you say hunny?" I ask, noticing the painting she holds in her hand.

"I just wanted to give that to you. I think you are the sweetest couple. Alright, have fun on tour! I love you!" she says, after handing me it. I watched her leave and finally bring my hand to wave after her.

Sighing, I examine the beautiful painting of me and Rose. I lift my head once again to look over all the people coming and leaving but the girl my heart was craving for, is nowhere to be seen.