Over You

CHAPTER 36

  "We are all INNOCENT!" I sing laying on my bed while my music blasts through my speaker.
It was Saturday and I've been in bed all day, listening to angsty music, Rachael went out to get things with Ryan for her dorm gathering tonight.
I didn't know if I wanted to go, but I promised Rachael and I didn't want to be an asshole.

"Dude," I hear and turn to see Noah standing there with Rachael. "Why do we always catch you singing?"
"OH AND GINA'S LOSING FAITH IN WHAT SHE KNOWS!" I sing. I was singing Innocent by Our Lady Peace. Best song in history if I do say so myself. He laughs and Rachael turns it down.
"Why are you being so angsty?" Rachael asks. "You sad boi."
"Cause life is a living hell, we're all just burning without even noticing," I state dramatically. "Haven't you ever thought, this is hell, but no one actually thinks that? They think that's after, but no. This is it, and when we die, that's the better place?"
"Wow..." Rachael says. "That got dark."
"The whole world is dark, it's just everyone normalizes it," I sigh.
"You doing okay?" Noah asks.
"For real, I don't like this side of you," Rachael adds.
"I'm fine, I'm just realizing things."
"Things?" Rachael gives me a look.
"Life sucks."
"Are you depressed!?" Noah asks. "I'm genuinely asking. I'm not joking, I think you might be going through something."
"Isn't everyone going through something?" I ask.
"No, but you definitely are. What happened?" Rachael asks. "Do you miss Isaac?"
"No! I'm not pathetic," I state.
"I don't know," she shrugs sitting on her bed. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I sigh. "Why did you turn the music down?" I ask.
"I don't want to listen to your angsty and sad weird music," she says.
"It's not weird," I say. "It's relatable."
"Oh my god," Rachael laughs. "Aren't you passed the emo faze!? Wasn't that supposed to be when you're 14?" She asks.
"I've never been passed that faze," I say and Noah laughs.
"It's not a faze!" He exclaims and laughs.
"Liv, cheer up we're having fun tonight!" Rachael quips and I sigh dramatically.
"I'll cheer up when the time comes," I mumble.

It was just one of those days. Ya know? I have the perfect song for this.
Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit. If you know, you know.
"I don't think we can help you right now," Rachael tells me.
"You can't."
"Does this happen often?" Noah asks.
"Very."
"Yeah, I came back yesterday and she was crying over One Direction and her assignment," Rachael says.
"So you go from crying to anger?" Noah asks.
"Noah, stop asking me things. I have my days!" I tell him and he puts his hands up.
"Is it your period?" Rachael asks.
"Honestly, I think so," I nod.
"Ooh," she mutters. "I understand."
I don't say anything back. My phone rings on the table and I don't reach to get it.
"You gonna pick that up?" Rachael asks I shake my head. "What if it's your boyfriend?" She asks.
"Is it?" I ask.
"Hopefully he can help you!" She gets up grabbing it and picking it up. "Hey, Isaac!" She says. "It's Rachael, and your girlfriend is being an angsty, depressed bitch," she says in the phone and I roll my eyes. "She's talking about.... life being hell and how after you die is when it gets better. You need to help."
"I'm fine," I tell her.
"She's so not fine!" She waves me off. "Liv. Your boyfriend wants to talk to you!" She pushes the phone out and I grab it.
"Hi," I mutter.
"What was Rachael's deal?" He laughs.
"I don't know," I mutter.
"You're depressed?" He asks.
"Isn't everyone?" I ask back.
"Fair enough," he says. This is why I liked Isaac, he wasn't weirded out by my... oddness or weirdness. He didn't mind, he went along with it.
"Exactly," I mumble.
"What's this thing about life being hell?" He asks.
"If Rachael would actually listen. I said that what if life is hell, and we're all burning in it. And when we die is when we go to a good place. Not heaven, nor hell because that is the world, but just a better place after you're done your time in hell," I say. "If you take everything that goes on in this world, it really is hell. What is the point of calling this life, and when you die its heaven or hell? Wrong," I say. "This is hell, and when you die you go to heaven. We're just all experiencing both sides."
"Okay," he says. "That can make sense," he voices. "I think it depends on the person, but I get where you're coming from," he agrees. "Life is kind of... hellish."
"Yeah," I said.
"Are you listening to music?" He asks.
"Yeah," I sigh. "Our lady peace, Nirvana, Blink-182, Limp Bizkit," I list and he chuckles.
"Okay," he says. "It's one of those days right?"
"Yes," I nod even though he couldn't see. "I don't wanna thin your mood cause you're with your mom. You can hang up," I say.
"My moms taking a nap," he says. "And you're not ruining my mood," he adds. "It's only been 2 months, I've got your stages down and packed."
"Stages?" I question.
"Yeah. You go through those," he laughs.
"Whatever," I said.
"Yeah... Whatever," he replies and I roll my eyes even though I wasn't annoyed. He somehow knew how to deal with me, and I know I'm hard to deal with.
"So... why'd you call?" I ask.
"I was bored," he says. "I'm just watching Netflix," he adds. "Did my call just ruin even more of your mood?" He chuckles.
"Shut up," I say and he laughs more.
  "Aren't you going out tonight?" He asks.
  "Unfortunately," I mutter.
  "Do you just like miss me? And this is why you're so moody?" He asks and I scoff.
  "Don't be that full of yourself," I say. "That is not the reason."
  "Just asking," he says. "I would totally understand though."
  "I'm gonna hang up," I mutter and he laughs.
  "Okay, Sorry!" He says. "Can I tell you a joke?" He asks.
  "Oh god," is all I say.
  "Don't be rude Olivia!" He tells me and I sigh. "I saw this on Instagram and laughed too hard..." he says. "Sex while camping... is fucking-in-tents," he laughs at himself and I actually crack up and laugh. "Get it likes intense!" He laughs.
  "I'm not an idiot," I laugh. "It's pretty funny," I agree.
  "Right," he says. "I laughed too hard, my mom was like the fuck?" He adds.
  "You're an idiot," I say.
  "Hey! I got you to laugh," he exclaims and I roll my eyes.
  "Whatever."
  "Clearly I'm the highlight of your day," he sighs. "That makes me feel good!"
  "No, don't get ahead of yourself," I said. "I just laughed at a joke."
  "My joke."
  "A joke you found," I state.
  "Fuck off Liv! Let me have this," he says and I grin.
  "Sorry," I say.
  "Tell your friends that they're welcome that I got you in a better mood," he says.
  "No, I'm not in a better mood," I say.
  "That's a lie," he says. "Do you like being angsty?"
  "I'm always angsty," I state.
  "That's true. I'm surprised you don't have Nirvana written across your chest," he says and I let out a single laugh.
  "Ew," I say.
  "Just saying. You love that band," he chuckles.
  "I also like One Direction," I said. "Doesn't mean I have a tattoo."
  "I'm very surprised you don't have a One Direction tattoo. Like the most surprised. I expected you to have Harry Styles on your asscheek," he laughs.
  "I should get that," I nod.
  "He'll be eating your ass... your dream," he says and I laugh.
  "Exactly."
  "I think everyone wants Harry Styles to eat their ass," he sighs.
  "How could you not," I mumble. "That's a god."
  "I agree," he says. "You should get Brad Pitt on your other cheek."
  "Oh my god," I said. "That's your best idea yet."
  "I know, I'm a genius," he states. "I'll get Rihanna and Brad Pitt," he adds and I laugh again.
  "Perfect!" I say and he laughs. "Brad Pitt mid 20's perfect."
  "The perfect specimen!"
  "Daddy."
  "Extreme daddy."
  "I love that you agree with me," I admit.
  "It's Brad Pitt."
  "Yeah... that's true."
I sigh. "You've done it," I say.
  "What?" He asks.
  "You've accomplished getting me to stop being an emo bitch," I say.
"Don't I always?" He asks.
"No."
"That's a lie," he states.
"Hey, Liv!" Rachael says and I turn to her. "We have to get ready."
"It's like hours till we leave Rach," I said.
"We need to find outfits and do makeup!" She remarks. "Now that you aren't being a bitch to us."
"You can start, I'll do it later," I shrug.
"Uhhh!" She groans. "Loser!"
"Whatever," I mutter.
"Rachael forcing you to do something?" Isaac chuckles.
"Yes," I nod. "She always does."
"Are you talking about me?" Rachael asks.
"No," I say. "Not everything's about you."
  "For real Rachael," Isaac mutters and I laugh.
"Whatever," she mutters.
"So... I have a serious question for you," Isaac says into the phone.
"What?" I ask.
"Have you even had a coffee today?" He asks.
I stay silent for a moment.
"No..." I drift.
"Aha!" He exclaims. "There you go Olivia... you haven't had a coffee, therefore, you are coffee deprived and since you have an addiction, that makes you in the withdrawal stage," he tells me.
"Yeah.."
"Have you had the cold sweats yet?" He laughs.
"No, and now that you mentioned it... I'm going to get coffee," I said.
"Have you not had one?" Rachael asks and I shake my head. "Idiot."
"Shut up," I tell her getting up. I slip on my shoes and grab my bag. "I'll be back."
"I'm such a mystery solver," Isaac remarks and I roll my eyes as I leave the dorm.
"You're annoying, that's what I would call you," I reply.
"Wow!" He says. "Rude, considering I just reminded you of your daily dose of caffeine," he mutters. "I understand tho."
"Fuck off," I laugh getting into the elevator. "I'm still feeling angsty, and I don't think the coffee will change that
"You're always feeling angsty Liv," he says. "So that's not surprising."

~

I hum to the music while me and Rachael get ready for tonight. I just put on some light makeup, it was just some friends.
"So, do you love Isaac?" Rachael asks me and I turn to her and almost laugh.
"What?" I ask.
"Isaac," She says. "Do you love him?"
"Rach, it's been 2 weeks," I tell her. "I love him as a person, but I'm not in love with him right now," I said. "I like him."
"I know, but you guys have a really good connection," she says. "It just seems right with you two."
"Well, yeah. It's comfortable with him, but I don't fall in love that easy," I say. "Isn't two weeks too early?"
"Not if you believe in love at first sight," she states.
"Yeah, but I don't," I shrug. "Do you?"
"I don't know," she shrugs. "Maybe for the right person yeah."
"Cool," I say. "I don't know, maybe I'm just cynical when it comes to love," I shrug.
"Yeah, you're a Scorpio, you have trust issues for some weird reason," she laughs. "It's fine. I have commitment issues," she adds. "Sagittarius!"
I laugh.
"Yeah."
Love at first sight, that's what my mom said she felt with my real dad, but look at that. How do you love someone at first sight? I can't fathom loving a person the minute I see them. You don't know them, you just see them. So odd to me.