Over You

CHAPTER 73

  "You're drunk... again!?" I ask sitting on my bed with my knees up to my chest.
  "I'm tipsy," he remarks and I roll my eyes.
  "I wanted to talk to you Isaac," I said. "I can't talk to you when you're like this!"
  "What!? Why not!? I'm totally listening babe," he said and sways a little bit. "I'm all ears! Just for you."
  "Just stop," I said. "Please," I add. "I'm tired and I'm going to bed," I mutter.
  "You're mad," he frowns and I shake my head.
  "No," I mumble. "We can talk tomorrow."
  "But I wanna talk now," he says.
  "Isaac... I can't right now," I tell him. "Please, just let me go to bed," I say feeling a pain in my chest that I didn't like.
Seeing him like this, all of it. It was horrible, and he didn't care.
  "You don't want me here huh?" He asks tapping the bed with his pointer finger.
  "I wanna be alone," I admit and he nods.
  "Did I do something?" He asks his voice low.
  "Yeah, you came back fucking wasted," I retort. "You did that again. I can't deal with it," I say.
  "I'm sorry! I was just having fun with friends babe!" He throws his hands up.
  "Yeah, every day you're having fun with friends. It's a weekday, you shouldn't be drinking and getting wasted. Especially if you want to become a doctor as you say," I said. "We can speak tomorrow. I'm going to bed," I grab my sheets and lay down.
  "I don't want to sleep alone," he merely whines and I give him a look.
  "Isaac," I sigh. "I just need this night," I add and he sighs looking around the room.
  "Fine..." he mumbles. "I'm sorry," he says and I shrug closing my eyes.
  "Night," I mumble.
  "I love you," he says and I felt the punch to my heart. Did he love me?
  "Love you," I say back because I just couldn't not say it. It was how I felt, I was just scared it wasn't how he felt.
I heard him leave the room quietly, shutting the lights and I shut my eyes tight trying to block out the thoughts and fall asleep. But I couldn't. Isaac was running through my mind like crazy and nothing else. Not even the good things, all the bad stuff. Drunk and high Isaac, his issues. We really needed to talk.

~

I skipped my classes today. I woke up with a migraine and I honestly think it was a stress migraine, and I woke up thinking about the talk I needed to have with Isaac.
So today, I decided to gather my thoughts and sit in my dorm all day until Isaac and I have a conversation. The convo we really needed to discuss as of late.

I sip the coffee I got as I literally scribble lines on the sheet of paper in my notebook. I was bored and freaking out. I felt weird, I felt sick. I had so many emotions I didn't know what to do with them. I was drawing, I was ripping paper and I was balling it and attempting to throw it in the trash can. I didn't know if he'd text me or come by or if I would have to initiate the talk.
I was just not in the right headspace. I wish I was at home with my dog.

What if he doesn't love me!? What if this is all fake!? What if he's not willing to change for the better!? there are so many what-ifs that I cannot deal with it.
The door opens and Rachael walks in and she smiles when she sees me.

"Hey! You're still here... sitting in the same spot I saw you last," she said. "What's up?"
"Oh nothing," I mumble. "Just writing down... nothing," I look at the scribbled sheet with literal lines all over it.
"You okay!?" She asks grabbing something from her desk.
"Yeah," I nod.
"You sure?" She asks and I nod again. "You seem... like you have a lot going on."
"I'm just thinking..." I shrug. "Life's crazy."
"It is isn't it!" She nods. "Like how... I'm going to hang out with Noah and... it might be a study date," she grins.
"Oh my god!" I say. "Study date, yay!" I add and she nods. "That's a good sign."
"I know," she nods. "He's so cute, he's bringing snacks and all," she shrugs. "We're going to the park."
"That's cute," I say. "Have fun," I add. "Do more than just study!"
"Liv!" She laughs. "I mean... I'll try," she adds and I let out a small laugh. "You sure you're good Liv?"
"Yeah! I'm good. Go have fun," I wave her off not wanting to distract her from her date-ish. "Tell me about it all afterward!"
"Of course," she grabs her bag and changes her shoes into some cute sandals. "See ya!" She calls out before leaving the room.