Tragic Kingdom (80s/90s imagines)

106: Tori Amos

For bullthedogdrums

You weren't sure how you came to possess it, but Tori Amos's Boys for Pele was among the albums you owned and had yet to listen to. As a pop singer, you felt it was necessary—and just enjoyable—to immerse yourself in every genre you could.

Music moved you; that's why you did what you could to break into the business. You thought you'd experienced everything music had to offer, but you had never felt what you were feeling now.

Her voice touched a place in you that you didn't even know existed. You'd be lying if you said you weren't falling in love with her voice. One listen became twenty real quick, and it almost became part of your daily routine to listen to the album.

She made you feel... Well, you couldn't really explain how her music made you feel. You'd never felt this way. Sometimes you would hold the album cover up and stare at her as she sang. It got to a point where you weren't so sure that it was just her lyrics you had fallen for.

But... you had never considered the specifics of your sexuality before. You always assumed you were straight. That was the default. Right? You'd had a childhood crush or two on boys growing up, but nothing like this. This felt so different from anything you had ever let pass as attraction.

It started to affect your songwriting.

"I like these lyrics," your co-writer said during one session. "But the way you describe your lover makes them sound like a woman." He looked at you inquisitively.

You looked to the lyrics in question. "What? Men can't have 'rosy-cheeks' or be 'gentle like a doe'?"

He leaned back and let out a sigh. "A doe is quite literally a female deer. Pretty sure Julie Andrews sang about it."

You just shrugged and scribbled out that line. "Fine."

"I didn't say they were bad," he tread carefully. "I just was wondering if you meant it that way."

"I don't know what I meant." You tapped your pen on the table a few times. "Let's just finish this song."

And then came... experimenting. A kiss here or there. Some rather long make-out sessions. You were careful about everything. You always made sure your partner was on the same page, and more often than not, they were your friends. As time went on, you were almost sure that you had little to no attraction towards men.

Once again, it became obvious in your music, which was a shock to the industry. Here you were, a bubblegum-pop singer known for fun, carefree songs, suddenly coming out—quite literally—with heart wrenching love letters to the women you had loved.

As you continued to grow into feeling more and more comfortable in your newfound self-discovery, Tori Amos's music continued to walk you through it. You began buying every album she released, and you made sure to be first in line when a new one came out.

"What's it like being one of the few gay pop stars?" an interviewer asked one night after a particularly long performance.

You frowned a little and laughed. "First of all, openly gay. There are probably more gay artists than you think, but that's their business. It doesn't feel like anything really. Sure, sometimes it comes with pushback, but I can't really control what other people think, you know?"

__________

You could hardly believe your eyes. Before you stood the woman who's voice alone changed your life. Not even your wildest dreams depicted such a surreal moment as this. Sure you knew there might be a possibility, but it was still hard to believe.

As if just seeing her in person wasn't making you star struck enough, she turned and met your eyes. "Oh my God. You're Y/N L/N, aren't you?"

All you could manage was a nod before you sputtered out a confirming "Uh huh."

"I like your stuff," she gushed, and if you couldn't believe your eyes, your ears were surely playing tricks on you. "And your voice! You have this... this force in you that speaks with such honesty and beauty. You're incredible."

Your jaw nearly dropped to the floor. "Me? You are the incredible one," you countered in disbelief. "Your music changed my life."

She laughed a little at this. "Oh, you're just being nice."

You shook your head. "No. I mean it." Heat rose in your cheeks. "You were my lesbian awakening."

Her eyes widened, and she pulled you into a hug. The kind of hug you give a friend you haven't seen in a long time. "I'm so happy I could be that for you."

Unsure of what to say next, you hugged her back, and the tears that began to slide down your cheeks were nearly uncontrollable. "I'm so glad I'm finally meeting you."

"Oh, sweetheart," she cooed. She held you out at arms length to look you in the eyes, red as they were. "I'm feeling hungry. Do you want to go get something to eat with me?"

All you could do was wipe your face and nod.

The meal wasn't much, but you two talked for over an hour. It felt like you were talking with an old friend.

And soon enough, she had become an old friend. She was your number one supporter, and she even helped you meet your eventual partner. Her daughter called you Aunt Y/N, and it was like everything just fell into place.

I'm so sorry I feel like I've been sitting on this request forever now. I hope you like it!! I got so excited about getting a request for a woman bc that NEVER happens. I rlly hope I wrote it in a way that sits right w you (please let me know if any of it makes you uncomfortable). Thank you for requesting!!

I've rlly been trying to write this week but my brain has apparently stopped working, so yeah. M'kay.

~Mariah