The Butterfly Code

36: 11 Days Left

October 4:

It's late.

Very late.

I couldn't sleep last night, the thought of them being better off without me seemed to corrupt me.

I had actually got out of bed last night, walking to the front room. I still remember the time. It was 2:28am. I had walked out, standing on the balcony.

I still remember the sight.

The glittering lights of Seoul burned around, yet the busy city was calmer and quiet at night. Very tranquil.

I recall looking up and seeing the stars. It was hard to see them from the streets. But on the balcony. Above the lights, I could see them better.

They were beautiful.

They looked so peaceful.

What I'd give to be a star.

Perhaps I should back to the balcony again right now? No, my body hurts too much.

I had angered him. It was an accident. I had just wanted food. I was hungry. He told me no. He said I should go back to my room and wait until he wanted to play.

I didn't listen. I snuck into the kitchen, but he caught me. And he punished me. Right there.

"If your so hungry, why don't you eat this," He had growled.

And I had become his fucking whore all over again.

"You wanted to lose weight. So you're going to lose weight!"

he was right.

I had to shape up if I wanted people to love me.

If I wanted to actually have a role in this band, because I don't know what role I am.

Im not a rapper, not at all.

On my official profile it says I'm a Visual and a sub-vocal.

Sub-vocal.

More like, barely a vocal.

Maybe I should terminate my contract?

No, it would only upset people.

It would only upset them.

I didn't care if they really liked me or not. I love them. And I will protect them.

I failed once, I'm not failing again.

As long as I play by the rules, my dongsaengs......my family, stay safe.

Everyone stays safe.