38: 9 days left

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October 6:

He's sweet.

Sijeon hyung

He's very sweet.

Painful.

Horrible.

But sweet.

He's trying to help.

Maybe I should see what my dongsaengs are doing.

⚞☽☆☾⚟

They didn't pick up their phones. They must be busy.

Maybe Sejin Hyung can tell me.

⚞☽☆☾⚟

They're working. Of course they're working.

Sejin hyung said they've never worked harder.

Well of course, I was there.

I am a burden.

I'm a fool.

⚞☽☆☾⚟

Namjoon called me.

He asked if I was okay.

if I needed something.

Yes, I am okay. I am losing weight. Im dancing. Im growing numb to pain.

Yes, yes, I'm okay.

Do I need something?

Yes. 

I need them to be safe.

But I didn't tell him that.

I just told him I missed him, which wasn't a lie.

I did miss him. He's my boyfriend afterall.

God- I'm blushing.

Too bad we have to keep us a secret.

...

Namjoon probably hates that.

I remember he said that if he ever got in a relationship, he'd love to be open about it, no matter what. 

Well, he can't with me.

Have I burdened him more?

⚞☽☆☾⚟

Sijeon hyung is confusing.

He's nice.

He takes care of me.

He says I'm his.

But then he'll hurt me.

⚞☽☆☾⚟

I stared at my phone for an hour.

No one contacted me.

Not my members. 

Not my family.

They're all probably tired.

And busy.

I'm happy.

Happy for them.

They can get things done now.

Sijeon hyung's right. 

He always seems to be right.

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