The Butterfly Code

45: 2 days left:

October 13:

i have nothing to say.

i have nothing to perserve.

i just feel numb.

my body is numb.

my blood is numb.

my feelings are numb.

and I'm so goddamn tired.

Sijeon hyung.

Was it his fault?

No.

It's my own.

My own for being a coward.

My own for not realizing how much I was lacking.

Sijeon has only shown me.

But It hurts.

He hurts me.

I don't love him.

I don't like him.

But I don't hate him.

He is just another numb thought.

⚞☽☆☾⚟

It's Jimin's birthday.

I hope he liked my gift.

He always does.

I forgot it was my last day today.

I remembered through Twitter.

They uploaded.

They're eating dinner.

I smile.

But it doesn't take away the numb.

It's just there.

A smile as i watch their brighter smiles.

I'll see you all tomorrow.

And I'll be so much better.

___

Starting the next chapter, we'll be back to the third person and out of the journal entires. Now, Just because it's a bit vague and I understand if these last 14-13 chapters were a bit confusing(and painful), Imma clear somethings up and confirm some other stuff.

Disclaimer: I'll be explaining things, but it's up to you all to formulate why these things happened. I'll be reading comments (if any are posted) and add to your theories.

Sijeon's name - If you back to when we first see the entries and even when Jungkook peeks inside Jin's journal, we notice how Jin only ever refers to Sijeon using pronouns, "he" "him" "his". Now, it's a very subtle detail and I know a few people caught it. This writing changes. Jin's writing becomes a lot more blunt and short. Straight forward. But the biggest take away is the change in how he writes Sijeon's name. Even going as far as adding honorifics such as "hyung".

Jin's style of writing - I went into this a bit above, but I'm just going to go over it again. Through the first couple of entries, Jin is rather specific and explains what happens rather well. Including dialogue and his choices. But as time goes on- the entries begin to change. It gets blunt. Short. Straight forward. Very lazy. And soon...we don't get details anymore. We just get Jin's thoughts. His emotions. A good example would be comparing this entry to the first one.

Mental State - Now...it's pretty obvious Jin's being heavily affected by his time here. His mind has fallen even farther into this dark void Sijeon has infected Jin with. One person mentioned a psychological disorder forming in Jin. Well- that's very close to what was going to happen. Basically- to cut straight to the point. Jin developed minor Stockholm syndrome. The only reason this didn't further expand was that he had access to things. He still "saw" other people but he never physically interacted with anyone but Sijeon. This also contributes to why Jin started to write Sijeon's name differently.

If you have other questions comment here and I'll answer.