☆bts angsts

Feel, Felt + j.j.k

[oneshot, drabble]
Trigger warning: implied/referenced murder

She was like the pillar he had espoused in his youth. A rivalry towards Aphrodite herself, emphatic, enticing, an escapade to his troubles, her manicured nails, pin curled hair. Her smoky dulcet tone attracts like lodestone. Blue hydrangeas were her kins, ranging from vibrant pink, lavender, beguiling to the human eyes.

She was the first one Jungkook had ever loved. "Aiko." God her name matches her so much. Partiality, endearment. She was the first to his everything. Wether it be a kiss or, that one night when his sweet nothings actually meant something.

Can you imagine the horror on his blanched face seeing her lips latched on to somebody else?

She held him back while his eyes would bore up to the man, And Jungkook felt his throat closing, peripheral breaking, crestfallen. "Stop!" She repeated and repeated, he tried to falter with his balled fists that turned pale, pushing her while she hit the icy marbled floor.

He wanted to kill him, and Aiko's cries just added fuel to the fire.

Jungkook's eyes reflected like a mirror, watching it as if it was a film wherein he'd be the antagonist: the brunet haired man helps her up, cups her tear stained cheeks asking if she was okay.

Her footfalls still echoes in his memory, the way she kept wiping salty sparkling teardrops, how sorry she was and that she loves that man.

She gave him a final messy kiss her lips slotted on his like a puzzle piece, and Jungkook was left alone with sanguine red lipstick smeared on his lips, whilst she drove off in her Chevy Malibu.

-

That was an unfortunate recollection of memories that deeply embedded in his mind for a lurid year.

Aiko was the first one to break him. She was the cause of his reckless self, but Jungkook is hesitant to admit. He would never.

And then he had encountered you, a senior in college he noted. You were arguably witty. With your attire being a pencil skirt, a top that would show skin, lustrous locks carried by the wind, shine under the sun, a femme fatale- he'd say. Inevitable to the male gaze.

You were nothing like Aiko, your relationship with Jungkook was supposed to be a one time thing, but you had managed to get yourself inside his life. He learns to accept you had grown attached like most women he'd been with.

Except you were persistent, Jungkook once purposely made out with a girl to get you off his shoulder. "Such a bothersome girl." He'd slip up. You should be used to his personality. Jungkook was a ladies' man, a heedless one at that. You were pissing him off with this current attitude of yours, demanding him to stop seeing other women.

In all honesty, you were the only one that established this relationship. And he rolls his eyes at that. Jungkook was never candor towards anyone, yet you managed to get a few words out of him wantonly.

He thinks it's one sided, He even thinks it's just an affair. Was it really?

He only acknowledged you when you had finally dropped him after your futile attempts, avid to win his heart like you were a love sick high school girl.

He knows it's deleterious to be infatuated towards a past lover. Some of his clothing and its fabric still smelt like Aiko, photographs that had fragments of Aiko were still kept framed. But was he still infatuated until now?

Jungkook doesn't remember what love feels like. Was it the pounding on his heart when you'd kiss him, look through him with sincerity, praise him with fondness? He doesn't know. But he hadn't heard any 'i love you's' from you for a while now.

Fuck he missed it, he hates admitting. Anyone could tell him that a million times, but it felt like yours were worth listening to.

He was at fault, recalling that he had told you to stop saying that to him, remarking that he wasn't serious about the relationship and you were just hopelessly devoting to nothing. Brazen he was, when he implied that, a tinge of lament when your expression altered to a hurt one.

He wished he never said that, wished you'd forget he said that.

Oh he missed it so so much, it felt like you were the contrast to his dull-dead life. He gazed the world in grey lens, and you replaced that with color. Pride will always cover the tenderness in his chest, he would think that he doesn't need you, you were nothing but a mere delight to his heart.

"I don't think i can still keep up with this Jungkook." A shatter to the rhythmic heart, it wasn't cupid's bow this time. For you, Jungkook was a summer breeze that turned cold.

"Because you still think of her." You never wanted to replace Aiko, God you could never. Whatever happened between Jungkook and Aiko was a cognizance to you, she would always be a part of him wether you like it or not. It served as a scar.

But patience isn't always there. And you were tired.

"I'll be packing my things. I love you so, so much. But how can i show it if you won't even look?" Jungkook's silence said a lot. And he knew by the end of the day there would be a linen bag that pursed your belongings, would be zipped up shut. You were a feet away from him, closer to the four paneled grained door.

There was a longing viscera, you were far from Aiko, unlike her you looked back at him with a tainted, flawed smile for he'd assume the last time. He hated it. Your smile kept repeating in his head like a vinyl record that wouldn't stop spinning. And the door shutting was the only noise there was.

Remnants that you were once in his extended arms stayed, with the faint fragrance of your lilac perfume and its fumes stuck to his sweater. In a petrified abyss of varied desires and emotions, he controls himself to not go and chase after you with his bare feet and will power, you need time, and he needs redemption.

He felt like on the cusp, poignant and left alone. He pulls out his phone, held it as if it was brittle, and typed with hesitance, his slender fingers hovering on the keypad.

how do you know if you moved on from your ex?

Okay, he thought. He'd try to fix himself for you.

"I love you too." Jungkook rehearsed to no one, said it over and over like it was his prayer. He couldn't say it to you, you weren't there anymore.

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Hi lol me back, read my toji x worm fic
Originally it was much more darker, that involves guns but i altered it here bc 😃
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READ THZ TOJI X WORLM FIC OMSG pinterest users I'm aiming it at you