☆bts angsts

what a lie + k.n.j [3]

Warning: contains suicidal thoughts
Read at your own risk please

I don't encourage suicide, and if you want to talk about life problems, I'm here👋 please don't attempt doing that, your life is more precious than what you could think of.💜

🌙
"Leukemia, and I'm afraid to say it's already been in stage three"

Your breath hitched. You didn't believe him. You can't believe him. You still have to fulfill your dreams. And you still have to fulfill Namjoon's wish. Having a family. To be honest, it's not just his wish, but your wish too.

He told you that 2 years ago in your anniversary. And, ofcourse he made you happy. He always does. But now, you couldn't tell. He doesn't talk to you. He avoids you at times. And you know the reason why.

Are you not perfect for him to cheat on? All you could say in your mind was stop. Stop doing this things that pains your heart. That hurts you emotionally. Yet, he doesn't see.

You feel trapped. Isolated. Like you were alone. You didn't want to end it yet. Since, you wanted to cherish each and every moments with him.

If only, it didn't turn out like this.

🌙

"You're-  you're home"

You stood up from the couch. You were reading the daily doses of the medicine the doctor gave you. When namjoon came home. The thing is, he came home early. Which is a surprise for you since he usually comes home at 12 or 1 in the morning.

"I am home. Why?"

He drank the glass of water from his hand, lifting one brow. You were being a little bit suspicious. And you absolutely didn't want to tell him your condition. The last thing you'd want to happen is to confront him about this.

"Nothing"

He shrugged, leaving you to go upstairs. There. On the spot you broke down in tears. At this situation, you wanted to cry. All you needed now was comfort, and that everything would be back to normal the next day. But, it pains you that this is reality.

🌙

You went up to your shared room with namjoon to see him sleeping peacefully. You love this guy up until now. You didn't know if he, loves you back too anymore.

You stared at him only to be getting emotional and pool of tears once again strated submerging throughout your eyes. You couldn't do anything about it. You can't.

You went closer to his figure wanting to feel his warmth. Wanting to hug him tightly so the pain in your chest can finally go away. So you could just sleep and hope that this is just a nightmare.

He looked so handsome. Yet, so calm. When he smiles and shows his dimples, you smile too. You smile because of him. He was the reason of your happiness.

Everything about him was making you fall for him even more. And once, you thought about what would he react if he gets his dream of having a family.

"i can't fulfill that anymore."

Your tears. It didn't flow down anymore. There were no more tears. It's such a waste of your time crying for what could not ever happen.

You hugged him tightly while he was sleeping. You hugged him shutting your eyes. Maybe. Just maybe, this was your last hug for him.

He groaned pushing you away. Making his back face you.

You couldn't cry for him. Knowing that you weren't the reason of his growing love anymore. Infact, you had thought about, breaking up with him so he couldn't see you suffer.