𝑭𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖

𝐂 𝐇 𝐀 𝐏 𝐓 𝐄 𝐑 - 62

What I wanted was happiness. Nothing else, just happiness.

I changed schools, the second year. I couldn't stay in that school anymore. I did not receive any kind of help, my school mates made fun of me, beat me and there was absolutely no one who cared. Every day, every time. Physical and psychological violence, at home and at school, every day. The teachers knew. They knew perfectly well what was happening to me, what situation I was living in, and they did absolutely nothing to help me. The math teacher laughed every time I made a mistake, I got confused, I had too much trouble in my head, but I couldn't say anything. The gym teacher made me do strength exercises, my asthma got worse and, for this reason, I couldn't do it. It was impossible for me to make it, I always ended up having an asthma attack. And again they all laughed at me.

I have always been the center of attention, although I did everything to hide, I wore loose clothes and I was always on the sidelines, also because no one wanted me. I was anxious and had panic attacks, all the time.

I was trying to manage them, I was trying to go it alone, but it was damn hard.

And so I changed schools, at my expense because my dad didn't want to pay. I used the savings of five years, but I did it.

I was desperate to find a place where there was at least one person who loved me. I didn't ask for much, or at least that's what I've always thought.

I entered the class, his class, our eyes merged together.

The following days, weeks, months, went like shit. But for me it was enough to get lost in his eyes that somehow I was able to go on.

We kissed, a day like any other that turned into the day when a little trail of happiness spread inside me.

With him I was happy, I was really happy. After four years of living between slaps, kicks, occasionally even blood, insults, physical and psychological abuse, I was finally able to find happiness.

It was he who put an end to the winter I was living in and he became my summer.

He was always the one I needed.

Every moment I was afraid, he was there and the fear disappeared. I don't know how he was capable of it. I honestly don't know how he was able to make me feel what I have always felt with him and I still feel. Let's face it, no one will ever be able to make me feel something even closer to what he made me feel.

But I ran away. I ran away from it all. I couldn't react, I didn't know how to do it, I couldn't do it!

I desperately wanted to cry and scream, because I was in pain, physical and mental.

I spent six months carrying our baby. Six months in which we have loved him with all of ourselves. Both young, but with all the desire to give Samuel everything he wanted.

I loved every single moment of the pregnancy. Even when I couldn't sleep, when I threw up or when my hormones drove me crazy. I loved every second, from the first moment we found out he was in my womb, on January 24, to the last.