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"How is he?" That's the first thing Shaun asks me as I leave room 502. He and Luke have offered to stay here in the hospital and be with Luce the whole time or at least until we need to.
"They gave him some pain meds and he just fell asleep, the contractions are regular, the dilatation is not even halfway so it will still take some time." They nod as we keep walking.
"She fell asleep two hours ago after eating." I smile to see Luce sleeping peacefully in Shaun's arms.
"But she slept in stages," adds Luke "she's been sleeping for six hours, waking up and then falling asleep again."
"It wasn't easy to pull her out of the games." Shaun chuckles.
There's a whole room full of toys here in the hospital and now there isn't a toy that hasn't passed through my little girl's hands. Games have been the only distraction for her, Shaun told me that, of course, at some point she started looking for both me and Andy and they couldn't find a different distraction. Leaving her alone with them was the only solution, I couldn't take her to the delivery room, I had to and must stay with Andy.
"Shall we grab breakfast?" Luke suggests, but what my brain focuses on is the word "breakfast." I lost track of time, in my head it was two or three in the morning, but the word "breakfast" makes me think of something else.
"Why? What time is it?" I ask, completely lost in time.
"It's six in the morning." It's still an hour and a half until dawn, it's dark outside as if it were the middle of the night, the cold can be seen from the white patina of frost that covers the leaves of the trees and the cars.
"Let's go grab breakfast."
We head towards the hospital bar which is located on the first floor. We then take the lift and in the meantime Luce passes from my brother's arms to mine. She is so tired that she doesn't even notice that she has changed "bed" and so she continues to sleep soundly, dressed in her fleece onesie. She doesn't even notice anything when I leave her a big kiss on the cheek. I missed my little girl.
We all order the same thing: hot milk and chocolate brioche. Everything is served to us in no time.
"How are you feeling?" My brother looks at me smiling as he takes a bite of his brioche, the chocolate runs down his cheek immediately, exactly like when he was little and he always got dirty when he ate anything containing chocolate.
"Honestly... I feel like I'm being overwhelmed in an avalanche of emotions." I admit, I don't even know what to answer to a seemingly easy question, but actually very difficult to answer.
"You don't need to say anything else" he says after swallowing a mouthful of brioche and milk "I understand you" he reassures me.
How am I supposed to feel? I feel like the happiest person in the world because I have my beautiful little girl in my arms and today I could become the dad of twins... today the person I love could give birth to our two babies. It's since we found out that the family was going to get bigger that we've been dreaming and talking about the big day when we'll finally be able to see our babies and hold them for the first time. This day has come or at least it's very very close and I can't believe it. The first time we faced all this, that hot summer day when Luce was born, I could only see Andy with different eyes while he was wrapped in a cloud full of pain, he was sweating and I kept wetting his forehead and arms to cool him down and help him with the pain, I told him that everything would be fine and that he was doing great. Looking at him with different eyes I did nothing but fall in love with him even more. There was so much intimacy between us that day... different from the daily one and that still today, as then, I find simply indescribable. Reliving all of this a second time sends jolts of joy and adrenaline through my body.
"Did you read our letter?" Mom and Dad made all three of them write a letter for my birthday because they didn't want them to write in their letter. With all that has happened, however, I have left behind a couple of letters including theirs.
"Not yet."
"Do you want to read it?"
"Do you have it here with you?" I ask amazed and even a little shocked.
"Yep." He takes a white envelope out of his sweatshirt pocket and places it on the coffee table in front of me only after making sure the surface is clean. "It's my writing, I hope you understand what we wrote."
"Is it gonna make me cry?"
"Nope."
I open the envelope to find a hand-drawn and colored greeting card, then there is a drawing by Luna which is very free to interpret, but it is still beautiful because she did it for me. And here is the letter that he told me won't make me cry, but I know a few tears will still fill my eyes.
Dear Rye, You know we are not good with words so we apologize if this letter will consist of only a few sentences and nothing more. We want to thank you because you have always been an amazing brother to us, you have always taught us to be ourselves and never put our happiness aside. You taught us that if we have dreams then we have to find the key where we keep them and make our dreams come true. We are proud of you, of all your successes and all the failures that have led you to be the person you are now. Happy birthday big brother. We love you so much.
